Try kewpie (but only the japanese version)
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You aren’t kidding re: Japanese version only
The kewpie made in the states is def not the same. It lacks the extra MSG of the Japanese version and dumps in sugar. I’ve been to Asian grocery stores that seemingly sell the two side by side. Japanese in the larger bottles, but the mini bottles were all the American version. No indication they’re different unless you bother to look closely at the labels.
I’ve also found the Japanese version in the jumbo bottles at a US Chef store.
Real kewpie is a must if you want a krab-salad style California roll, or if you’re trying to nail down the Japanese convenience store egg salad sandwich.
Though, speaking of US Chef stores, they also have available one of the big secrets to restaurant sandwiches of all kinds, including burgers: extra heavy mayo (made with extra egg yolks). Unfortunately, you’ll only ever find it in those massive Costco-size containers.
Hard pass.
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I bought heavy mayo once. Then wondered where in the fridge I’d put the gallon container. A family owned store used to repackage I now realize was heavy mayo into mason jars and sell it in the cold case. They haven’t for years. They’ve dropped a lot of special stuff.
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When I first read this, I interpreted the “where I’d put” as “where I had put” (instead of ‘would’) and was perplexed it was so hard to find. 
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I read it the same way! LOL
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I was contemplating how many people I would need to go in with where we’d split the cost of a restauant-sized jar of heavy mayo, and divide it up into regular mayo sized jars. I suspect it’s more people than I could possibly come up with, even figuring in casual acquaintances.
I use Duke’s for my burger, kewpie for dippin’ the fries.
But why? I got one of them thar buckets of extra heavy mayo at Sam’s. Shit lasts forever, and it’s nice n rich. It does take up quite some space in the fridge, but you’ll never have to look for it 
PS: Once it was depleted enough, I transferred the rest into a mason jar.
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I’ve had almost no success with trying to share-by-division with friends and family. Interests, appetites, budgets and storage just vary too widely. In the few instances it’s been tried (e.g., a whole Spanish ham), something always goes wrong.
Same with sharing seldom-used big ticket equipment like grape stemmer/crushers and presses and wood splitters.
Sumac and lamb are heavenly.
Painful contractions!
