It’s all about the beef. Brisket ground seasoned with the one and only
Grilled medium (outside), cheddar melt, my homemade pickles, served on a potato or brioche bun.
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Yeah, a menu with attitude! 
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With this list of elements, I bet you’re disappointed with what you’re usually served in restaurants.
While I think I’d like a burger done exactly your way, I’m more ecumenical. I like various styles of hamburger, and so I can happily depart from any of your elements, if what’s coming is well-executed.
Things I’m fond of in most styles include:
–a lightly toasted or griddled bun;
–a little mustard on the bottom (It tastes different if you put it anywhere else);
–beef browned but cooked rare enough to be juicy;
–a side of jus
–cheese
–served wrapped
For thicker, fancy burgers, for additions, I usually like (though never all together):
–iceberg and a tomato slice;
–bacon or shaved ham;
–grilled onions
–sauteed mushrooms
–Gorgonzola cheese
–an over easy fried egg
–skewered to hold together and be cut in half
Things I shy away from:
–huge patties
–onion jam
–frizzy or bitter greens
–mounted onion rings
–BBQ sauce
–hot peppers
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the ‘bestest’ burger is utterly non-definable -
#1 - the beef. it has to have some fat - 95% lean… not gonna’ git it.
#2 - the size. oh sheets… done did that ::: 4-5-6-7 ounce burgers. 5 ounce is my limit.
#2a - bigger is not better
#3 - seasonings - salt and pepper, that’s it. maybe a spritz of garlic/onion - but ten-twenty ‘additives’ . . . no, just don’t go there.
once you’ve got a ‘really good hamburger patty’ - what one puts on top of that…
{{{ . . . assuming a good bun/bread . . . }}}
a totally unleashed opinion(s).
I have tried multiple “OMG! hamburger patty recipes…”
and then there is the “it’s beef, just beef, leave the carrots/etc out of it”
which in toto I totally agree with.
you want a burger? make it a good beef patty, and use the toppings as you like…
Carrots?
I thought I lived in crunchy hippie paradise.
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Can’t always make or have the perfect burger so I’ve come up with a fast easy burger that’s pretty good: Costco frozen grass fed burger patty, a good bun (Acme for Bay Area locals), lettuce, tomato, thousand islands. The biggest hassle use to be the bun…but Acme buns freeze very well. So if theres lettuce and tomato, I’m good to go if I want a burger and don’t want to leave the house. I just cook the patty frozen. It’s not special but it’s better than 90% fast food burgers and I don’t have to leave the house.
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I will be the outlier in this thread.
I generally don’t care for burgers, from McD’s ‘burgers’ to your fanciest steakhouse made-with-hand-ground-brisket medium-rare $59.00 ala carte experience, I will order almost anything else.
Except White Castle.
It’s barely meat. Hell, it’s barely ‘food’ from a moral standpoint. But that squishy, substanceless bun, the plastic cheese, the steamed onion/beef mush that the whole thing dissolves into as soon as I stuff it into my stupid, probably stoned face.
Some things sui generis. White Castle is my burger North Star.
Some of us just want to watch the world burn.
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I live within walking distance of the Bird when I’m in Berlin and I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE their burgers. However, I always order a patty melt so I can get them on rye bread instead of English muffin. English muffins are a wonderful receptacle for butter or an egg/sausage sandwich, but should never come near a burger.
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I had no idea you still visit Berlin regularly! Nice area to be staying, for sure
Must be nostalgia.
Well, it’s been a while, and my last planned trip was canceled due to COVID…but I do intend to get back soon, should the fates allow!
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You’re likely to get your wish soon.
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If the world burns what wood would you use?
My vote would be hickory.
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Fossilized cowpiles seem apropos to me.
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When we had local drive-ins when I was a kid , the extra special feature of all of them was some sort of burger on a sesame seed bun.
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Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun
Sorry. Reflex action. That was a VERY effective ad campaign.
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When I was a kid, my grandmother made us grandkids burgers using English muffins for buns. Now that I’m a much (much!) older kid, I’m back to using English muffins for any burger I make at home. They were the right size for my appetite back then, and once again they’re the right size for my appetite now.
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I was going to sing it, but the two local chains (Ameche’s and Gino’s - who were both Baltimore Colts) as far as I know, at least locally , beat them to the punch.
A resurrected Gino’s exists in Towson as a fast-casual. It has the Gino Giant and the old Ameche’s Powerhouse on the menu. I will now go check to see if they still use sesame seed buns. Just checked. Sesame seed buns for both.
Btw both Gino’s and Ameche’s had jingles.
Perfect is the enemy of good
Gut
Besser
Gösser
Sure. But you can take superlean meat like bison or venison (or even stringy Jersey cow) and grind some bacon or pork fat into it.
I keep the (soft) fatty beef brisket trimmings for tarting up too-lean grinds.
