The perfect burger

Cooking Discussions
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@Meekah’s and my exchange on this thread prompted this post.

We all have our preferences for a burger, and there are so. many. variables. Like the doneness & composition of the meat, the thickness of the patty, the bun, the condiments, the accoutrements…the possibilities are endless, truly.

For me, there is no burger without cheese. None. Ever. My preferred cheese is a slice of sharp cheddar, sometimes combined with a slice of 'murrcan for extra meltiness. I don’t want blue or Swiss or any of that nonsense on my burger. I don’t want mushrooms or caramelized onions, either, or pork belly, or hashbrowns, or onion rings, etc. etc.

My perfect burger only requires the following:

  • ideally a 1/3 lb or less patty, the composition of which I’m flexible with, but I’ve been liking a brisket / chuck / short rib mix

  • this patty should be cooked over open flames or a flat top, rare to MR at the very most, with a good sear / char on the outside

  • the bun needs to stand up to the patty — can’t be too thick or too thin

  • sesame seeds on the bun are a must. the more, the better

  • also a must: a thick slice of raw red onion on the bottom bun

  • shredded/sliced iceberg, thin sliced pickle, maybe a slice of tomato, though I find it increases the risk of slippage, i.e. the whole sh-bang sliding out of the bunz, and we def don’t want that in a perfect burger

  • a healthy shmear of mayo on the top bun, and a small dot of ketchup

I like smashburgers, too, if they are done well.

How do you burger, HOs?

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this from another topic

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We’ve already had lessons on making the perfect burger from what’s-his-name, and anything else is garbage. He said so.

There are two kinds of burger to me: the melt and the freshtop. Mushroom swiss (.25 lb patty); freshtop I like a well made patty (med rare) and mayo, onions, pickle (not too much, tho) tomatoes and lettuce.
Romain is what I use. I cook either over open flame or CI skillet on high.

I like a hard roll, preferably poppy seeded, but I love sesame, too.

You just call me a ho?

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Oh, honey, we’re all HOs up in here, dontcha know? :wink:

I forgot the Grand Poobah of burgers. Was that a post here? I have a vague recollection of it, now that you mention them.

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I like all burgers, except for overdone hockey pucks.
Hopefully hand formed and fresh.
Not a real fan of pre-made patties but that’s a lot of what’s served dining out.

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Quality of beef is important. I forgot to mention, I love my locally grown and ground lamb for the patty. Lamb just sings to me. I’ve had some, though, like beef, that just wasn’t up to par. Why I stick with the same local source(s).

WE ALL HOs, up in here! HOburgers.

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Yes, and not overworked or ground to paste. Overground meat is revolting to me.

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Paste burgers are disgusting.

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deleted

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And that’s perfectly fine… for those applications. But we’re talking boygahs here :wink:

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Yeah, sorry for the irrelevant comment. I’ve deleted it.

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Well, that certainly wasn’t necessary. As far as OT comments go yours was pretty harmless :wink:

And now, for something completely different: how do you like your burger?

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I really don’t have an opinion. I rarely eat one. Never made at home and my experience with them is pretty much limited to a very occasional McD.

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When I was in Manchester in 1991, I had a burger at Wimpy’s. I did so for 2 reasons. One was because it was famous and two was because I was there on a Sunday and not much else was open. It was a pretty bad burger. I looked Wimpy’s up right now and it seems there are only 58 locations in the UK now and none currently exist in Manchester at all.

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Smashburger. Just over 1/4 cup of freshly ground blade roast/steak, smashed to thinness, fried in a hot pan with a bit of olive oil. Salt the top, flip, salt the bottom. Served on the “Modernist Bread at Home” burger bun. Depending on the mood, toppings could be ketchup, lettuce, bread and butter pickles, tomato, mustard and mayo, or, white chopped onion and teriyaki sauce. No cheese, ever.

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Wimpy was never good. But we didnt know that at the time, as it was all we knew until McD arrived in the early 70s (and it wasnt until 1983 that they opened near me in Manchester. We came across one a few years back in a small town somewhere and had lunch there. It still wasnt good.

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Pub style burger - 1/3 to 1/2 lb. ground beef (85/15 or 80/20 lean to fat). Salt and pepper on the patty and then cooked to medium rare. Usually this is a combo of browning in a skillet and then finishing in the oven. Sometimes, it is on the grill. In the last 5 minutes, top with cheese of choice, either blue or American for me. Preferred topping at home after that is sautéed mushrooms and onion with a little thyme and garlic, however spinach and artichoke dip was a favorite topping option at a now closed restaurant we used to frequent. Toasted hamburger buns or English muffins, depending on the mood.

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so you like your burger in a car?

[jk]

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1/3 pound, on the thick side.
Rare to medium rare. At one joint I go to, the sometimes cook it to what I call “mom rare”,
because Mom made them just warm in the middle (blue)? She also had a secret
ingredient that I rediscovered recently, MSG.
Flame-broiled.
No cheese.
Grilled onions
Tomato.
Bibb or other soft lettuce, no iceberg please.
Brioche bun, toasted.

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