Some of us are having bad days. Some of us say the wrong thing often, or sometimes. These are excuses, or reasons, or contributing factors.
I don’t think it’s gaslighting to say I think we should cut each other some slack.
Some people apologize and some people do not apologize.
We make decisions about who we want to hear and who we want to ignore.
We make decisions about when we want to speak up about a group, or moderation.
I do not think it’s fair to equate not wanting to go to Provincetown in your free time with uttering racist words.
I do think we will all have different opinions on how to approach this, as well as how to approach tolerance within a group, whether it’s tolerance for a minority group related to LGBTQ , race, religion, gender or age, or tolerance for another member posting in the group.
I had tried to delete this post, because I realized what I wrote might come across as an excuse, which I do not think it is, and an excuse is not what I want it to be.
I edited extensively because I can’t delete it yet. I also took out some wording that I realized could be taken as ageist.
My (ex)-GF of 3.5 years & I dealt with aggressive homophobia pretty much every single day of our relationship in the allegedly enlightened Germany of the 90s.
Being called “blatantly flagrant*” wouldn’t even have registered, TBH.
I did not equate the two. I responded to @Digga’s comment about excusing prejudice, be it intentional or inadvertent .
(If you know the other thread I was referring to, there was a vehement defense that it was not racist – or if it was, it was justified, or didn’t matter.)
Let’s be clear that “not wanting to go” somewhere was not what was objected to in this case – it was the terminology applied to the people / community there (“blatantly flagrant” and “openly gay”).
Gaslighting is when the actual issue is treated as a non-issue and the person who flagged it is made to feel like they are the problem – whether by telling them they are being unpleasant, telling them to be tolerant, have grace, or cut slack. Except it’s not about them.
How we react when something is pointed out is an opportunity to clarify intent. How others (who are not involved) react also clarifies theirs. We only have each other’s words to go on.
It also bears mention that this Weekly Menu Planning thread is an ongoing community that moved here from Chowhound, so people who regularly participate here have history with each other, vs people who have dropped in to add their 2 cents to a “controversy”.
We have torrential rain today, so I probably won’t leave the house.
Sunday (yesterday): ribeye , roasted oregano potatoes. I made a quick potato salad with mayo, vinegar, home-grown dill , green onion and local Lakeside brand dill pickles.
Also, charred parsnips , some Bush’s chili beans, and COTC.
Lattice-topped cherry tarts for the DCs from Ba Noi, an awesome bakery in Toronto with some Vietnamese touches.
Monday: chicken thighs, maybe fried? I’m craving fried again even though I had take-out fried chicken from Mary Brown’s (a Canadian chain) last Thursday. Roasted delicata squash. Green salad with bolted lettuce from the garden. Fava beans from the garden. Mac and cheese with 4 cheese Italian blend.
Tuesday: maple 5 spice pork sausage from Sanagan’s in Toronto. I’m stopping with the planning there.
7 Likes
ChristinaM
(Hungry in Asheville, NC (still plenty to offer tourists post Hurricane))
108
I had a hard time menu planning this week on account of the heat. Have I mentioned the horrific furnace blasting outside??? Anyway…
Cooking for 2 to 4 in the DC 'burbs
Sunday 7/14 - Merguez sausage, hummous, garden veggies, pita
Monday - Cheeseburgers, Caesar salad
Tuesday - Cold Korean noodles, watermelon, maybe air fryer mini samosas if a kid shows up
Wednesday - They are on their own; I have book club
Thursday - Two dishes from Evergreen: Tofu tomato soup (pg 144) and Spicy Cabbage Slaw (pg 174)
Friday - Likely pizza
Saturday - Can’t get my head around Saturday yet. Will depend on what I find at the farmers market.
to put in on the menu weekly.
