Why Is Dining Alone so Difficult?

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/25/dining/solo-dining-restaurants.html?unlocked_article_code=1.7E4.YREH.ksZtr3wqQN2N&smid=url-share

I know many among us who have no qualms dining alone. I prefer to have company, mostly so we can try MOAR stuff & there’s only so much I can eat, but also bc Ima social creature :slight_smile:

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The comment section is overflowing with people who seem terrified of inconveniencing the restaurant, so while they may dine out alone, they do it at 5pm and/or mid-week, they tip double, etc. Of course they feel stigma - they’re stigmatizing themselves.

I think the problem is that an awful lot of people have low self-esteem. I’m filled with self-hatred, but it’s not from eating alone at a restaurant’s bar, which I do all the time.

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While there are sometimes real barriers to dining out alone (e.g., a reservation system only allowing 2 or more for a booking), this always comes down to personal comfort level. Author highlights growing number of solo diners, but doesn’t seem to offer anything for how to change that.

I often dine alone and yes, I have a great time when I’m with family, friends and an SO. If I’m alone, I eat what I want, damn it! Some of the comments in the article about others who feel sorry for solo diners…really?? Eh, some people don’t want to talk and have a discussion throughout the meal. I feel sorry for them that they are projecting their needs on to solo diners who just want to have good food - alone or with company. Maybe if I see that one reader in a restaurant, I’ll shoot her one of those puppy dog sympathetic stares her way and give her a pat on her arm.

I don’t get the ‘take up a space’ feeling of guilt though. It’s a restaurant, not a subway train. We’re not all trying to cram as many people in to get to the same place. The restaurant is meant to serve food and any restaurant should be happy to serve someone who wants to pay for their food and service.

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I dine out alone a lot. I suppose it’s mostly solo take-out these days. I will be back to more solo patio dining during from April to October. Before 2020, I made solo trips to NYC each year, and often tacked on a few solo days in Europe after ski vacations each winter. I also have dined in Montreal alone fairly often.

The only places where I’ve had issues have been tourist destinations which are geared towards couples and families. Short-sighted on their part.

The only places I’ve felt unwelcome as a solo diner over the past 10 years have been in Hawaii. One experience on Oahu and another experience on Kauai. The night after my bad experience on Kauai, I found a tiki bar where I could sit at the bar, where I felt absolutely welcome.

3 out of the 4 restaurants where I had dinner in Kauai offered excellent hospitality.

It says a lot about both the employees and the business, if they aren’t welcoming to all customers.

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Sorry to hear. Wanna talk about it? :smiley:

No need. It’s genetic. :rofl:

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I tip double because I’m a teetotaler and I don’t want to look cheap, not because I’m dining solo. Lol

I’d have to think long and hard when I last dined by myself. I suppose this includes breakfasts and lunches?

Yep — couldn’t come up with anything.

It’s incredibly rare for me bc my PIC and I are practically attached at the hip, and he loves food almost as much as I do — plus for the reasons I mentioned in my OP :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Everybody can decide this on their own, of course, but why would my sober friends feel the need to penalize themselves by paying what amounts to a tax on their healthy lifestyle choice?

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This is such interesting commentary in my opinion. It speaks so much about how our restaurant/tipping culture is so broken IMHO and how much of that brokenness we’ve internalized. It makes me have so many different feelings - I should sort them out a little before I post more :smiley:

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In the past, here in Toronto, I found some servers seemed to treat non-drinking clients in the same way as a group of 3 who orders 1 dessert and asks for 3 forks.

It became a pattern for me at some point.

Not always double, but a very good tip compared to average, typically.

I don’t really think of it as a penalty. If I ordered that bottled water or a $22 glass of wine, my meal would be much more than what double tipping would be.

In the past, I sometimes ordered soft drinks or mocktails, but I rather just tip more than order a drink I don’t really want or shouldn’t really have (if I’m watching simple carbs) .

Like you, I’m also a social creature. But there are plenty of instances where I’ve dined alone. Sometimes I find myself in Manhattan for a doctor appointment and have time to kill. Other times I just spend the day there, wandering around, shopping, going to museums, etc. and need a place to eat.
Now I don’t go to high end places where a reservation is necessary. Maybe that makes a difference?
For example, most places in Chinatown will seat you, sometimes at a larger communal table, which I happen to enjoy. B&H Dairy seats single patrons, and I have had nice food related conversations with other customers who were also dining solo.

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My response to that would be to ask for a manager and report poor treatment. Not to encourage it to continue by throwing money at a bad server.

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I’m a teetotaler too! That’s like getting hit with the double whammy as an undesirable customer!

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I’m glad you’re familiar with where I’m coming from! Lol. Also, sorry that it’s been your experience, as well.

If it’s terrible service, I talk to a manager or call the manager/ owner the next day.

I don’t go back to places I feel unwelcome.

I grease the wheel at the places I like, where most people drink more than I do.

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The good news on this front though is that I do find more restaurants locally offering good mocktails. Not just the table that tries to throw you a sparkling water or the ginger ale. My last dinner in Boston was at a ocean view restaurant, right by the TD Garden so I know they get get decent traffic and business. I had a few drink options and went with a lemon honey drink that was really good, but it came in an aperitif sized glass so I needed two. I didn’t mind, and they definitely made money off of me that night with drinks.

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I do like creative mocktails, and craft sodas.

One of the Lebanese restaurants in Toronto has some interesting lemonades and mocktails featuring things like orange blossom water.

I also remember ordering a house-made yuzu cherry soda at Perry Street in NYC.

I’ve only dined out solo a few times - two restaurants where I was/am a regular because I’d been countless times with friends and felt comfortable dining there alone.

One was a bar with music, so I was there for that - AND I sit at the bar (where I usually sit with friends unless there are too many of us). I knew that the guys behind the bar at both places would take care of me should there be any issues. Sure enough, at the musical venue, one bartender had to fend off an overly handsy drunk dude who was insisting on buying me a drink when I had a full glass of wine in front of me.

Sitting at a table in the restaurant proper? I can’t recall if I’ve done that, and probably wouldn’t if there was a bar where I could sit alone and read my Kindle or scroll on my phone OR chat with the bartender when they weren’t busy.

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Same. I prefer the bar even if I have company.

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