It really, really sucks. I have friends who go back longer, but a life partner and love since you were a teen? That’s something else. And there are kids involved, of course, that the partner has used as chips.
I guess the beginning of the end was when the partner threatened to abandon him just before he was due to have brain surgery (in multiple stages). That’s what brought it all to a head. Luckily, family and friends were able to band together to form a constant care team for as long as was needed.
The most frightening part? The toxic partner is a therapist themselves, and very skillfully and effectively manipulated both the marriage counselor and the mediator for a long time.
Now imagine having a debilitating illness while this is all happening, and still having the wherewithal to put it together and strength to finally extract yourself.
She tried using threat of abandonment as a control tactic, but it backfired, because it scared him enough to share with family and close friends, and we surrounded him to protect and care for him as he went through the surgery and the healing. A human wall effectively went up around him to keep the toxicity at bay.
Happy anniversary to you both. Your care and love is evident and wonderful. What a blessing.
I’m so glad I am in a functioning, loving, supportive relationship — not just with my partner, but also our circle of friends. Sounds like you and sunshine have found one another. It’s a mitzvah, for sure.
I got rid of any toxic people in my life many years ago. Who has time for that negative energy?
We both went through life with multiple very short-term failed relationships. Even Sunshine’s marriage was short lived.
It was by chance that we met. I was trying to sell my house and the buyers wanted a “quick close”, so I grabbed the first apartment that was available. We met while swimming in the pool at that apartment complex, went out for drinks later that evening and have been together ever since.
I never understood before how hard it is to leave, why those abuse networks exist to help people escape.
So simplistic to say “just get out of the relationship already”
Apparently my friend’s family had been trying to convince him to see the light for years.
But the manipulation is almost unbelievable.
At one point, she called HIS closest circle of friends “to confide” and told them that the illness was affecting his mind, and he was imagining things – in case he reached out to them for advice or support. Many of them believed her for a long time.
I only had one serious relationship before meeting my spouse (my ex) that wasn’t meant to last, and which was obvious to both of us, but we were in our early 20s. I cherish the day I met my PIC, who just happened to waltz into my office one day, asking a lot of stupid questions. Of course, I was my charming self & didn’t bust his balls at all
We were going out for just 2 weeks when he told me he was falling in love. I thought he was crazy.
And here we are, almost 25 years later. I don’t regret a single minute.
The wife of one of my relatives, who is not in an abusive situation, decided to tell his 6 siblings that she was leaving him. And then she didn’t. Talk about a complicated situation at family reunions, 8 years later.
I can understand her talking to her own relatives. To send his relatives a letter, in writing, airing their dirty laundry?
Thank you… Yes, we are kind of in a “holding pattern”. There is a (slight) complication from Sunshine’s last surgery. She is in good hands and the doctor is keeping a watchful eye on the situation.
But… she still needs to take it easy. Nothing strenuous – only short walks around the block.
