I’m sure there are many other senior women like me who don’t always have a friend to join them in dining out. But being a foodie, I’ve seen lots of menus, and read wonderful reviews, of restaurants that I’d like to sample. What suggestions do people have for someone who wants to try out a fine-dining place, but doesn’t want to be tucked back in a corner near the kitchen door, or treated like someone’s sad auntie? It is intimidating enough to contemplate single dining, but I want to challenge myself. I’ve always been comfortable at sushi bars, but not with typical fine dining places, although there are some fine examples right in my town. I welcome your thoughts.
just tell whoever is leading you into the corner “This table is not okay”
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Eat at the bar, if there is one. This gets you the added benefit of having people to talk to while you eat (if you want that!) while still getting nice food and service. Bartenders at high-end places are well-trained too. Or just book a table for one and make your preferences known. You’re not obligated to sit by the kitchen door.
In short: just go. You’ll get more confidence as soon as you start doing it.
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Sarma in Somerville at the bar when they open. Amazing food, I felt fine there alone a few years ago (born 1955), and you get to see the kitchen in action.
Let me know where you want to go and maybe I could join you. I like to get out of the house without my husband at times.
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Exactly this. Or as @travelmad478 suggested, eat at the bar, if they serve the same menu you want to try.
I’ve personally only been comfortable eating on my own at two less than high end places in the Boston area: the late Johnny D’s and Dali Restaurant and Tapas Bar, both formerly and currently in Somerville. I became a regular at both bars many years ago, and know I could go/can go on my own and the staff took care of me and watched out for me.
I know I could do it at more places, if I chose to do so, but (1) they’d still be more comfy than high-end, as the latter is definitely not my comfort zone, and (2) I’m one who prefers to eat in more often than not, as evidenced by my participation on the WFD threads. 
But nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you’re interested, try it out.
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It’s like anything else new and therefore a little scary: the more you do it, the easier it gets. I normally take a book or kindle, or write postcards if I’m on vacation, and have a blast. Hope you have many wonderful solo experiences!
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100% agree, I’ll always chose to sit at the bar when I’m dining solo if that’s an option. High end or mom & pop joint, it’s the best seat in the house.
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When I traveled for work (from time to time), and wanted to eat out, (but not sit at the bar) I’d also take a book with me.
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As a person that dines alone frequently, for me the best thing to remember is to tell the wait staff when you do not like a table and do it with a smile. And be willing to leave if they do not get you a better spot. Just look at the table you do not like, look at the wait person and say you do not like it. Usually they will find a better spot.
Not always.
But.
You do not need to eat at any cafe. Feeling like you got a bad table is not worth a decent meal.
I do not leave in a huff. But most of the time I leave if I really dislike the table and they won’t seat me somewhere better.
It happens occasionally (to any solo diner I believe) and sometimes at cafes I have happily dined in solo several times before.
And eating at the bar works well too. But I have grown to really like dining solo. Your schedule, your pace, your choice of cafe. Solo has a lot going for it.
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whats that?
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I know SuzieCK knows this, but it bears repeating that if dining solo in the dining room, please tip well.
As if was at least a party of 2.
At the bar, its arguably less of an issue.
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Not sure if I understand what you mean ?
Because as a solo diner your tab will generally be less than a “regular” table, say a party of 2 or 4.
But the time and effort the waitstaff will expend on a solo diner is the same (maybe just slightly less) than a 2 or 4 top.
So if you tip the typical 20 or 25%, you’ve shortchanging the server.
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Not sure if I agree - it might depend a bit on the type of the restaurant and its prices but if I go alone to a mid-level restaurant in SF I think 20% tip is an appropriate level
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Disagree.
Solo diner “tax” via tip makes no sense, nor does making them feel bad that they are “taking up server time” that could be better compensated.
Unless you also think a 2-top should tip for 4 because their server could be serving a 4-top.
Or that a 4-top with 2 kids should tip for 6 or 8.
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@SuzieCK I used to dine alone a lot (at nice places) when I traveled like crazy for work.
Once you rip off the bandaid, you won’t care.
It’s great people-watching, and you can keep a book with you per @LulusMom1 just in case you need to withdraw for a minute or a few (though with smartphones, there’s always a distraction available).
I like sitting at the bar, but you mentioned you’re a senior, and bar seating isn’t always the most comfortable, so in your place I’d make a table rez and then a game-time decision on bar vs table once you can check out the bar seats.
If you’re calling to make a reservation, put in a request to be seated where you’d like (near the window, towards the front of the room, etc) — you can also put in a note to that effect for online reservations. You can even say “I’m a solo diner so I request…” so people are mindful that it’s something you’re thinking about.
The first time or two you might be self-conscious, but once you’re out enjoying the food and the atmosphere, that will fade away.
Another thought is to do this at lunch the first couple of times — it’s always more casual, and you won’t care as much (who cares about other people caring, that’s their own problem).
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As someone who lunches alone frequently, not necessary at high end places, I have never had a problem asking for another table. I usually start by asking for a window table.
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While this may open a can of worms, I would posit that solo men would often automatically get treated better than solo women, simply because of the general expectation (cultural or otherwise) that women are not expected to speak up for themselves.
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oh, I’ve (male) been led to the worst table in the joint more than once . . .
and simply said “I’d prefer another seating/table/whatever.”
might have gotten a dirty look, but can’t recall being refused…
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This.
I travel for work a lot, so end up earing alone mich of thr time. Thats totally ok.
As a solo female diner I have been offered the table by the kitchen, by the bathrooms, and once literally in the foyer. I left all three when they insisted it was the only available table…and I could see a half dozen empty tables (2 tops and no reserved tents) and several men dining soli
I also get ignored all. The. Time. Im friendly, not ugly, and not a demanding princess…and I tip well when given more than perfunctory service. (Its usually dump off my food and then ignore me until i flag them down for rhe check.)
Sadly its usually women that give me the worst service.
I tip and call them out on it.
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