Presidential Race-Themed Appetizers

For Jill Stein a tender olive cake sauteed in light biodiesel sauce with a chaser of ethanol/everclear.

Rather than eat it, you can use it for mood lighting.

Background music, “It’s not easy being green.” Kermit the Frog.


For Paul Ryan, sour grapes baked in humble pie.

By the way, humble pie is a real dish involving deer hearts, lungs and tripe.

Background music “The KKK took my baby away” by the Ramones.

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Oh and Aleppo peppers, because obvs.


Carlos Danger Cocktail Wieners with extra hot BBQ sauce.

Or you can just take pictures and tweet them.

Music “Send Lawyers Guns and Money” Warren Zeavon.

Humus Aberdeen with crushed pita chips that look like little hard drives.

Drink, Milk of Amnesia (rohypnol & vodka).

Music “Send Lawyers Guns and Money” Warren Zeavon.

Director Comey chicken & waffles.

Very big waffles…

Music: " Should I stay or should I go?" The Clash

Hummus Abedin and crushed pita chips is brilliant, lol!

Love the playlist suggestions too. You should throw a party as well!

You know this race just keeps throwing more and more opportunities our way…

Oo ooh, oo ooh Mrs Kotter…

I have a new one for Jill Stein.

North Dakota Pitchfork Fondue cooked in a big pot of boiling oil.

Spoiled milk for these two babies.

Mike Pence Sauerkraut Balls (it’s an Indiana thing).

Cause that’s what happened to his when he found out he was gonna be Trump’s running mate.

Songs: “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross. Or anything by Cher or Barbra Streisand.

Bernie Sanders Left Wings in “feel the Bern” sauce (creepy if you think about it).

ONLY left wings ! (Not Col. Sanders!)

Song “Tainted Love” Soft Cell.

Tim Kaine mini Juicy Lucy’s (he’s originally from Minnesota, which explains a lot).

Drink: the Koolaid.

Song: “Hail to the Chief” but you may have to wait a while to play it, depending on how fast the indictment comes down.

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We claim Tim for Kansas City. He was born up in snowville, but grew up in the same Suburbia as me. No exit #'s though. His bros are still there.

And you are welcome to him. Although I wouldn’t expect him to honor the claim check anytime soon.

So appetizer alternative for KC: Tim Kaine Burnt Ends.

Cause that’s what looks like is going to happen to the Democratic ticket…

Well, I don’t have any opinions about his governing ability, but he is a very good eater.

Well, although I kind of despise all politicians equally, I love burnt ends.

How do you like Jack Stack?

Looks like the Nachos and Sauerkraut balls won.

If you go to my Instagram account, you’ll see some pix of the spread:

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Bessarabsky Market, Kyiv. Ukraine
Credit: Juan Antonio Segal, Flickr