There is an excellent breakdown of the ins and outs of what makes a good paella at http://www.nakedwhiz.com/paella/paella.htm I don’t know that it has to be a ceramic cooker, but much of the basic history and construction advice is sound.
I’d agree with others that the right rice is essential; I’ve had terrific results that don’t split with Valencian La Bomba, personally.
And as for method, I have worked off of Alton Brown’s description on a grill top, which is as close as it gets in an American home to the kind of wood fires that would have been traditional to sear -> deglaze -> slowly cook to perfection. http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/paella-recipe.html
