It sounds like a more targeted response by the moderators to the “offending” posters is warranted then, at least to the direct insults. The “passive aggressive” stuff is much harder to address, I would think.
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I will give you a:
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!! This again is exactly what I’m asking for.
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Yes, on both counts.
“We” also have an issue on our side of things, once I have voiced is it’s also difficult for both members and mods having so many “local” mods. That means every individual board almost has its own “temperament” for what is tolerated.
Come to NJ Board (only because I’m the mod) you can curse, go off topic and bust some chops. Everyone knows “me” and if there is a problem, they know immediately who to call. (no sarcasm, several more active posters have my cell number) However you go to another board, another mod, might have a different threshold, so I also understand it can be difficult for posters from NJ to remember when on another board, the tolerances might be different. So, I’m not blind to our shortcomings either, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that bullying shouldn’t taking place ANYWHERE, let alone here.
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I agree, in which case this thread should really be about reporting bullying. Because that seems like the core issue.
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Could be, but I can’t control, nor should I (in my opinion) try to govern people’s words, however, try to guide their actions.
Remember I’m just a moderator of a local board, I have no actual “say” in things here and I have NO ownership or management. So, I do select my words and phrasing to be as general as possible while still making the point. I’m trying to fish a bit up stream and stop the antagonizing which seems to then lead to the bullying, passive aggressive etc. To me the key is recognition of one’s behavior and trying to correct it BEFORE it becomes an issue. That’s what ignore I think accomplishes.
Maybe I’m wrong I’m just trying to make this as enjoyable and “stress free” environment for all those who visit. I’m honestly surprised by some of the “pushback” I’ve gotten thus far. Also, somewhat sadden other mods didn’t contribute much either.
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I would like posters to think before they 
.
Please stop and consider, if the comment is unkind just don’t do it.
It’s simple empathy shown towards the victim.
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I hear you, but I would also be willing to bet that the people you are actually addressing - the bullies, presumably - are not going to read your posts and say “Gosh, that sounds like me! I will now change my behavior.” (If you are actually addressing me, then I’m much more obtuse than I realized.)
I participate in a lot of message boards and comment sections. This one is, for want of a better description, probably the most delicate in its interactions.
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I can’t control anyone else. I’ve learned over the years all I can control is my own personal response and reaction to situations. In my opinion that’s all any of us can “control” in life. So I try to live by example and by communication, I can’t make people listen, but they also can’t stop me from speaking.
So, if my voice hit’s the right audience or not, I sleep well at night knowing " I’ve tried " for the day. Tomorrow, I wake up (God willing) and try again. That’s all I can do.
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I don’t think some of the bullies even know when they’re being bullies.
Also, I think tone is very difficult in writing. People pick up on snark when none is intended, others miss the snark when it is intended.
The italics and bold come across as upper case letters.
That leads to more snark or rolled eyeballs.
Some of the 'splaining taking place is ridiculous when most of us have been posting on food forums for over 20 years.
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Yes, that’s why I keep advocating for direct intervention by the moderators. But maybe they don’t do that - they just remove posts.
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I think you’re right.
By the way, most mods have been edgelords or at least gadflys at some point.
I moderated an 1800 person FB group for 5 years. I was suspended from CH once or twice. I have had maybe 5 posts flagged on HO in 7 years.
I’ve left FB groups after conflict, to avoid conflict or to move on.
I’ve been moderated and I’ve done the moderation. As have many of us.
I do find it funny that someone flagged my post on the What’s On Your Mind thread.
Lots of People left CH in 2015, because of the style of moderation taking place.
As a joke, I posted a Home Cooking heard about Iron Curtain dinner party ideas.
Ultimately, if a poster feels badgered or picked on, they will leave.
Badgering a poster makes people less likely to share independent thought, if they feel someone will insist they’re wrong.
I wondered why CH went from talking about new hole in the walls to debating which Michelin star restaurants were the best. I think many of the people seeking out the new stuff, posting about the quirky stuff, left, and the consensus people started to take over.
There are still many people who like the quirky stuff on HO. There are many people who like a blend of the quirky and the consensus stuff. There are also the consensus enforcers- the funsuckers.
I suppose it takes some time to figure out which posters enjoy a debate, which posters like discussions, and which posters to mute.
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I understand that it is out of line. I am a guilty party - on several occasions, on HO. And have been strongly “advised” that calling someone a “whatever” is completely inappropriate. And I accept that and any suspension/ban that might have ensued from that. I have never had a regret in thinking that someone was a “whatever” and telling them so. Maybe I’m just not a nice person. And maybe, like others, I hide behind the relative anonymity of the internet (although anyone with a bit of Googling skill and a few dollars/euros/pounds spend on a credit card could be knocking on my front door in about 15 minutes)
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Well without the google search or charge to my cc, I’m pretty sure there is no way I’m getting to you in 15mins. lol Honestly, everything you state is accurate and fine, at least you can “accept your punishment” and move on. I’ve had several conversations with you over the years, and your candor has always been appreciated.
It’s the people who continue privately to be aggressive, threatening and “some peoples” super inflated ego with the; “If you suspend /moderate me I’m going to quit”!!! I honestly laugh every time I hear someone say that. (and trust me we hear it often)
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And not because it was too hands-off. CH removed posts if you shared the news that a restaurant had been closed by the health department. CH locked threads when the moderators decided that a thread was “going around in circles.”
Or! They will block the person badgering them, which I think is the right response. But if a poster feels everybody is picking on them, well, there might be a reason for that. You know the saying: if you go about your day and you think someone’s being asshole to you, well, that person is probably an asshole. If you go about your day and you think everyone is being an asshole to you, maybe you’re the asshole.
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Sometimes one person’s asshole is another person’s advocate.
It’s sometimes a Friend or Foe ethic taking place.
Sometimes people are backing up their cyber friends. I know I was guilty of that on CH and in a FB group.
Not as much here.
I know the little like is a dopamine boost- for the liker and the likee. We (or most of us) like validating our cyber friends’ posts, and we like (or many of us) like the validation.
I try to like fairly generously across the Board, but I admit, the people who have been snarky or bitchy to me online receive less likes from me.
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I back up people when I agree with them. There’s no one on this forum or any other with whom I have agreed or disagreed 100%.
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I try to, as well.
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Thanks, mon ami. As I’m sure I’ve said in those conversations, being a mod is an absolutely thankless task. There is no upside and I’m relieved that, over the years and on several different forums, no-one has ever thought it a good idea that I should become one.
On another forum (military history), I was friends with a couple of mods, who I’d met in real life. I used to get to hear some of the gossip and the “I’ll quit” stance was as common there as it appears you experience here. Believe it or not, there are some very contentious issues amongst World War 1 enthusiasts. I know of at least two people there who were then told “OK, then, the proposed suspension now turns into a ban. Goodbye”. Just a thought.
I debated whether to chime in for some time. so I am now doing so.
well, as you can see, there’s more than a few isolated people who have issues with the topic.
my own experience dates to moderating forums with 600+ posts per day and TapCIS. if you know what TapCIS is, you’ll get the history…
I ‘joined’ HO at the beginning, left when admin was toying with the idea that any member should be able to edit anyone else’s posts - because “we’re all adults here” - as I recall, I was banned. the premise remains unattained.
heavy handed staff are not unique. not only x-CH, cookingbites put on some new staff and is now reduced to 3-4 participants.
they managed to alienate pretty much everyone . . .
- a woodworking site has extremely overbearing members - people who in the quest to be the first with 100k posts have to chime in on every single post no matter what. they also have a plethora of members applying nitrogen rich liquids to other members shoes - it’s all they do.
Some post seriously bad advice – got pinged on correcting them, management said: ‘just post and let the user decide.’ gave that place up.
HO encouraged CH members to migrate, HO got the good, the bad and the ugly. Surprise!
the idea of ‘auto-hiding’ posts based on x number of members flagging it . . . really a bad thing.
Fori develop ‘cliques’ and when they decide to target someone, get ugly real fast.
the argument that ‘moderators don’t have the time to (insert lame lamer lamest excuse here)’ is completely unacceptable.
typically moderators are volunteers - pick some that span many time zones.
I think it was eGullet that recently whined they couldn’t monitor the board more closely due to resource constraints . . . like they’re paying their volunteer moderators too much . . .
if HO can’t find volunteer staff to control bad actors, there’s a different problem.
and yes, there are posters who specialize in obnoxious behavior - they are intolerant to the point of being insufferable. warnings are fine, then ban them. and if management decides to let them back in, they should not be permitted their prior userID. if they decline to make a fresh start, permanently ban them.
what on earth is the question?
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My 2 cents (well, maybe 5cents): I’ve been on just about every food board, from the beginning of CH (& I mean the real beginning, in the '90s) till now (I currently post on 6). I’ve watched this happen on just about every one of them at one time or another. At least 4 times on CH alone. I get the frustration. I agree with NotJrvedivici’s initial post on this thread, but the past 25 or so years have shown me that it just aint gonna happen. My advice is simple. When something on this board frustrates you, go elsewhere for awhile and take a breath. Its a food board. Its a free food board. Its only as real as you make it. Save your frustration for world peace.
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