Food critics who make you laugh out loud

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(Paywall on the review)

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Jay Rayner, hands down.

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My all time favorite was Pete Wells review of the now defunct Guy Fieri restaurant near Times Square. It is one of the all time greats.

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Classic.

Pete Wells’ NY Times review of Sammy’s Roumanian Steakhouse is one of my favorites. I wish I could have gone there before it closed.

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No, no you do not.

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No? It sounds fun…and crazy!

It’s a fun atmosphere. But the food was dreadful. And heinously overpriced. I remember reading that review and wondering how Wells had managed to have anything decent. To be fair, I’ve only had fish and vegetarian stuff there, but I wouldn’t feed that salmon to my cat.

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Pete Wells (NY Times) on the new plant-based menus at Eleven Madison Park:

They used to do a similar beet act at Agern, a New Nordic restaurant in Grand Central Terminal, roasting it inside a crust of salt and vegetable ash. That beet tasted like a beet, but more
so. The one at Eleven Madison Park tastes like Lemon Pledge and smells like a burning joint.

and

In tonight’s performance, the role of the duck will be played by a beet, doing things no root vegetable should be asked to do. Over the course of three days it is roasted and dehydrated before being wrapped in fermented greens and stuffed into a clay pot, as if it were being sent to the underworld with the pharaoh.

And Jay Rayner. I didn’t keep the URL.

The mere use of an ingredient [foie gras] that I expect to be prohibited soon on grounds of animal cruelty tells us exactly where we are: wading through lakes of self-conscious, sod-you luxury. For emphasis, the website describes this restaurant as “the ultimate dining experience”. That takes the cliché “hostage to fortune” and adds go-faster stripes, turbo injection and one of those huge, redundant aerofoils that men desperately overcompensating for something put on the arse end of their Ford Escorts. Were the claim to be true, I’d never need to eat in a restaurant again after having eaten here. For the record, I do need to eat in a restaurant again.

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Oh so true. You went to get drunk on vodka with a big group of people. Never for the food.

My favorite food writer/critic is Tim Hayward of the FT. Just marvelous writing. I’ve learned a lot from reading his columns. He has the wonderfully dry British sense of humor. Turned me on to the Hackney a la Mode twitter account which is so spot on and hilarious about the food is too precious trend.

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Ahh… I went to this place. A friend of mine who is a big fan of Fieri wanted her birthday dinner there. I gently reminded her that it didn’t get such a good review. Nevertheless, we relented and went.
It wasn’t completely terrible, but considering we were in NYC, there was so much better to be had.

A couple days later she calls me, laughing hysterically. She finally read the review! And apologized profusely. I’m glad she got a good laugh out of it. And yes, we are still friends.

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