Crazy Making In Kitchen Due to Spouse/Partner/Roomie?

While it seems the apogee of ingratitude and privilege to complain about your personal chef (It’s H of course :upside_down_face:) I’m driven to a rant. NO ONE in my family or circle of friends would begin to understand this, so am afraid the need is to offload the frustration here.

As mentioned before, H has taken over the kitchen, including cleanup. His choice. I always offer to help, but he declines, usually.

Issues are this: when we remodeled kitchen we both agreed/insisted on powerful ventilation, paid accordingly, and it works awesomely. It may have the maximum CFU’s that can be used in a home kitchen, both legally and safely. Problem is he only puts it on the lowest setting, despite me telling him tactfully, yet repeatedly to use the highest setting for both searing and frying. At low, we are left with lingering food smells that don’t have to be. Last night he set the smoke alarm off. It’s screechy loud, stays on forever, and could rouse the dead. I have to go outside or plug my ears, as I think it could truly damage your ears. Was pretty ticked off, but can’t say anything. Let’s hope experience is a good teacher here.

To continue my bitching, he pan grilled halibut and totally effed it up. It was about 4 inches thick, and he didn’t slice horizontally for faster cooking, nor did he season sufficiently with salt or anything else. He ruined a great piece of fish, almost a sacrilege to me. The outside was extremely overcooked like water packed canned tuna, straight up. Inside not as bad, but - lacked flavor. Again I can’t complain, so said very little. I’d had a late lunch and wasn’t hungry, so I chose not to eat. Again, improper use of fan so smelled fishy in house.

Admit I was in a bit of a snit. Realize everyone makes mistakes, but he makes the same ones repeatedly. Am going to retake searing, frying and in house fish cooking away from him. And that is that. Rant over for now. Thanks for listening. Feel like a brat posting this, and it is just food, after all. BUT, If he sets the fire alarm off one more time, I’m going to disable them ALL, and then leave the house for several hours, to sit in my car. Somewhere.

Now I have to eat the bespoke halibut tacos for breakfast because he’s on my case to eat the leftovers. Usually a delight, may have to choke them down…


Can in fact confirm H ruined the entire pound of halibut, which, even here is quite expensive at about $17.99/lb on sale. Shame because it was of excellent quality; we bought a large piece of it, with the pound leftover in the freezer from the initial purpose.

I managed maybe 2-3 ounces for the lean protein, but had to feed the rest to the apex predator who couldn’t get enough of it. So, no evidence of thrown away fish in the newly emptied garbage, or shall I say dust bin.

Had to wash it down with a Diet Coke and an Ativan, so am feeling soooo much better now, especially with med, and ranting posts. Totally LYING about the Ativan lol :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


Much credit to you for bringing your rant here, rather than to hubs. I may not have thought of that!

Also, presumably you have had good, home cooked halibut in the past, which I find tricky as heck, so much credit for that as well!

BTW, how long has it been?

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Stored in the freezer, I think you mean? Max, maybe 2 weeks, so no deterioration from that @shrinkrap. Yes, he gets an A++, but we’ve been around this particular block more than a few times…

Oh, funnily, he just asked me how the halibut was this morning. Told him, umm, well, I ate about 2-3 ounces & cat got the rest. He seemed happy because no waste.

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*** Correction: when referring to exhaust fan in first post, I wrote CFU’s, when I meant CFM’s***

No, I mean I am hit or miss, in cooking fresh halibut without drying it out. I miss often enough that I haven’t tried in a long time. Its SOOO expensive, (and I don’t usually let that stop me. :slightly_smiling_face:) In my opinion even good restaurants somet struggle with this. To be fair, I’m pretty sensitive to “dry” protein, so maybe its not as hard as I think.

Start practicing some yoga and you will stay zen. Either you cook, or you let him do it his way and just laugh off if he makes a mistake. The more a wife complains, the more it will get unnoticed and be ignored. It seems the other half respond well to praises. LOL

Recently H is ultra motived in his pizza making. Luckily there are many appreciative neighbours who give a lot of positive feedback to offset my negative complains. So whenever he is making pizzas, I will just shut up and let him be boss and vanish from kitchen. I let him learn from his own mistakes. If he needs help, I will just do it his way.

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@shrinkrap, agree that fish can be a bit tricky, but think that may be due to some people developing kind of a mental block about it, or feel intimidated to cook it. I admit, it’s the protein am least experienced with, but have pretty much nailed it now. Growing up in the landlocked west mostly, the only fish that was cooked was cold mountain lake or river trout - if lucky, they would be rainbows. Otherwise, just tuna. So, maybe it’s due in part to culinary traditions, and unfamiliarity too.

Thank you, and I am hopeful, but for me, it’s not all fish, just halibut.

OTOH, it’s not like I have a great fish repertoire, so maybe that IS it. And it’s so expensive.

PS we also had a whatever cooktop and pop up updraft thingy replaced with an amazing cooktop and fan, and husband is always turning it down.

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Thanks for the friendly advice @naf. Am amazingly restrained with comments, praise him to the moon and back, all while thanking him profusely. I offer advice only when asked, which has been quite often. If I offer it, he doesn’t like it at all, so hold back. I’ll say something only to avoid an outright catastrophe.

It’s the non-usage of the excellent exhaust fan that’s really getting to me. Why upgrade and spend all the $$$ if you’re not going to use it in all its glorious capabilities? Yes, the house smells like frying still from last night. I’m going to model using the fan the way it’s supposed to be used. Just can’t fathom his thinking.

Haven’t told him all this because I can’t, thus the ranting posts. I was totally joking about needing an Rx to calm down. :upside_down_face: Besides, I had wine! :smiley_cat: Life IS good, and I’m extremely fortunate.

Really strange on the fan thing, especially with the men. It’s pretty loud, but he’s also getting fairly deaf…

Well, I think as far as cooking halibut goes, less is more, and to start, I’d slice it horizontally, and cook thinner pieces. Have your thermometer handy. As well, baking it can be a gentle introduction, and frying is nearly a slam dunk IMO. Also, foil or parchment wrapped, either in oven or on grill outside. Maybe practice on cod due to the similarity and huge cost difference. Halibut IS special and $$$$, and should never be abused!! :upside_down_face:


I prefer cod to halibut because cod tastes like fish. I like fish.

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Some thoughts.

People smell differently. My wife is generally more sensitive to smell than I am, except that I smell the catbox long before she does, and she likes perfumed candles while I think they are cloying.

The same goes for sound. When I’m watching TV alone I have the volume much lower than my wife wants it.

A possible explanation is your husband doesn’t smell what you do and the sound of the fan on high is offputting. Just thoughts.


Think cod is good too, and vastly underrated. A tad bit more moist than halibut, and yes, more fishsome. Think of halibut as the chicken of seafood, actually. But do love it, as well as most fish/shellfish. Warm water lake stuff - umm no, usually. Tilapia tastes muddy, so don’t prefer, but can eat if necessary.

All true @Auspicious, but let me ask you this; if you have/had a powerful exhaust in your kitchen, and or yachts (if safe enough for smallish galley kitchens, depending on yacht, of course) wouldn’t you use it? Was so excited when we got it, and the vent pipe or whatever you call it is a full 8 inches in diameter. I use the hell out of it when cooking, got so tired of the wimpy and worthless ones that were little better than nothing IMO. Thoughts?

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I feel you . . . . I’ve been the cook for 25 years and with job changes and Covid the DH is “helping” by cooking. I’ve been having bland, rubbery food for a while now. The DH is afraid of heat - so a little the opposite situation - but nothing gets properly browned it seems.

And then after each meal there is about an hour of “how was dinner?”, “I thought that was really good” fishing for compliments. It’s exhausting. :smiley:


I’m laughing @Thimes, bless his heart though :heart: Will say H is usually an excellent cook, and I’ve seen his consistency improve immeasurably, as well as judgments, since he’s been cooking regularly. He’s really getting into the hunter-gathering thing too, is organized, takes the store coupons, and shops the deals. So very lucky here, but needed to vent because you know, the fan didn’t get a chance to, last night. :joy_cat::scream_cat:


In my previous house I had a six burner professional cooktop. Not only did I have a large exhaust system (12" diameter vent, 24" externally mounted fan) I had to have fire suppression in the hood. I definitely used the hood but I did not automatically select ‘high.’ I rarely went above medium as it simply wasn’t necessary. In fairness to your rant I very very rarely fry food. Even halibut I would sear and then saute (or take outside to the grill).

In my case noise was not a factor due to the external fan. On high the HVAC in the house would lose balance. It was a BIG fan. grin

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In this case, why don’t you just press the button and run! I’m sure he isn’t even aware…:rofl:

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Sounds familiar!! :joy:
I guess I should do the same. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: