Have a wonderful birthday @Harters
Both menus sound great.
There’s been developments.
In our family culture (and, indeed, wider British culture), it is not the norm for guests to bring contributions to the meal. However, as this is a joint celebration, the BiL’s partner is bringing food. So, the cheesecake is being made not bought - well, she knows what her bloke likes. And she’s cooking salmon which may form part of the starter or main course.
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This isn’t really a helpful response either, and it’s clear from it that you don’t have someone you love who has a strong or serious allergy. I do. My 20 yr old son, who is anaphylactic to peanuts. I’ve been told over the course of his life that we shouldn’t eat out, shouldn’t fly, shouldn’t ever go to a baseball game. He had friends in elementary school who ceased to be friends because his parents were so nervous about harming him that they stopped inviting him to their houses for playdates and bday parties.
We could all try a little bit, working to inform ourselves and asking the individuals involved some basic dos/don’ts, in order to work them into our lives. Or we could throw up our hands, say it’s too hard, and ask them to live in a hermetically sealed box.
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I think it is quite reasonable. If a food sensitivity is such that it is genuinely life threatening then why would one trust others? I wouldn’t because I am solely responsible for myself. Your mileage may vary though.
Once again, if your son’s peanut allergy is so severe it is life threatening then it would be prudent not to eat out unless he can control the risk. As for not flying or going to a baseball game…well that just silly. Consider the source of those giving that advice.
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Again, not helpful. There are people out there who need a bit of help to participate in the world safely. You can take the attitude that it’s their problem, or you can try to go a little out of your way to be more inclusive and then let them manage their own risk and level of comfort/safety.
Rarely do people consider what it means to tell someone to just “sit out” of life, unless they’re making that decision for themselves or for a loved one. But I can tell you that if we didn’t do all the things that we were told not to do, he’d be under house arrest all his life. Not much of a life.
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I’m okay with it not being helpful for you. The world is a big place.
Agreed and your inference is a straw man though.
I didn’t and unfortunately you are overreacting.
No one in this thread said that. And again, if I am to read that as an inference to me it’s another straw man. I’m not responsible for the actions of others or the lame advice you say you received.
I hope you have a better day.
Ok then. You also have a day.
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But is it biodynamic wine? Is it certified not to have used animal gelatin or isinglass to fine? Is the stopper phthalate-free? I hope there’s no wax on the corks, and any fining was done only with organic pea protein! What dish soap was used on the stems?
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Good grief!
There’s drift and then there’s whatever has been happening over the last few posts 
Sailing the north Atlantic with no rudder and an iceberg looming?
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If that’s pointed at me, I apologize. There are preferences and there are allergies. There are also helpful people and FU people. I get a little hot because it’s personal.
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It’s pointed at several folks. And what is clearly personal to you is merely theoretical to others–no right or wrong, just different POVs.
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Indeed. That’s why, if I were in Harters’ position, I’d serve good, solid food and wine, and if some guests don’t care for it, well, too bad. As Ricky Nelson put it:
Now if you gotta play at garden parties
I wish you a lotta luck
But if memories were all I sang
I’d rather drive a truck
And it’s all right now
I learned my lesson well
See, you can’t please everyone
So you got to please yourself
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What I’ve found in 50 years of entertaining is that if you ask 10 people what you should serve at a dinner, you will get 10 disparate answers. If you plan a balanced and interesting menu, all 10 will chow down with pleasure and compliments to the chef.
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A very happy day to you, sir! Enjoy your outing to the Royal Horticultural garden!
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Franzia. Sunset. Blush. 
TJ’s Block Cab Sauv.
I have to travel out of state for that …TJs can’t sell wine here. Or what they call wine.
Many happy returns of the day to you and your brother in law
Let me guess…NY. For an otherwise progressive state we have antiquated liquor laws. That is the work of the independent liquor store lobby that spends generously in the state legislature. Too bad TJ can do like Wegmans did and have family members open liquor stores next door to their markets.
