Being bored I announced to the missus I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.
She rolled her eyes and told me to stop being stupid.
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
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There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
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What did the cake say to the fork?
Do you want a piece of me!!!
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Which friends should you always take out to dinner?
Your taste buds.
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Q: What did the baby corn say to its mom?
A: Where’s my pop corn?
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Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
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I know a loss of smell and taste is an indication of exposure to the virus. What I didn’t realize is that the quarantining can also affect your hearing, apparently I have become completely tone deaf to my wife’s voice.
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Standard joke:
Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?
The backstroke.
Variations:
Waiter, what’s this fly doing on my soup bowl?
He’s the lifeguard.
Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?
That’s stew not soup.
Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?
Oh my, that’s the wrong fly! Let me take your soup back to the kitchen and make sure you get the right fly.
Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?
A lousy remake of an old joke.
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I made a mistake last night and told my wife I want to see other people. I just meant I wanted to actually “see” other people, but she took it the wrong way. She’s on tinder now. - Jimmy Kimmel
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My family and I started wondering what happens when crooks are forced to work from home. If you find it funny, please share on Facebook and wherever else:
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Sticking with food theme humor, this steak still has marks . . .
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Can’t tell you the number of times I’ve used that line.
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He’s the bee’s knees.
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Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?
Ssssh, sir, please! Everyone else will want one!
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Whew! The lamb’s blood I ordered arrived just in time.
Happy Passover All!
Another from Rodney:
I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
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I believe the set up was his wife’s cooking is so bad;…
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Is a locksmith a key worker?
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All this talk of soup reminds me of this absolute classic sketch https://www.facebook.com/ClassicComedyUK/videos/victoriawood/291253544728221/
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“I don’t want an infected worker making my nachos. If I get sick from eating at Taco Bell, I want to be sick from eating Taco Bell - the way God intended.” - Stephen Colbert
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