While it might sting a bit, this is exactly what I’d have wanted for my Mom, but she wasn’t as social as yours obviously is. I do hope you’re glad she remains active and alert and social.
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If she finds an elderly gentleman friend to hang out with, that’s where it gets weird as a daughter. 
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I remember you speaking about them last year. Just a gentle reminder that you posted back then that you were going to tell them you wouldn’t be eating out with them every lunch and dinner this year. I hope it works out so you get some respite from the cost and stress of being with them this year.
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I control her finances. I’ve already told her that she is welcome to….um……f#*k whomever she chooses but no remarrying. We talk like that 
Seriously, I am thrilled that she has adjusted so well after 83 years in CA. She is the best and a very saucy woman to boot
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That sounds like it will pass beyond the “Three Day Limit”.
You can always opt out and save yourself the aggravation.
‘Sudden intestinal issues’ are always a good excuse.
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Thank you, Linda Whit. At least I tell the same story. I might feign illness on Saturday just to have the place to myself. They are insufferable people.
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‘Sudden intestinal issues’ are always a good excuse.
Sadly that precedes their annual visit, Won’t be too hard to fake.
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My father dated just such a woman after my mother died. I only went out to dinner with them once - I’m reliving the nightmare right now, while imagining my mother turning and turning in her grave. Decency means you are courteous to everyone.
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When I was in my 20s and 30s, I used to get together with a family friend for my birthday in the spring and her birthday in the summer. Our families did Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter together.
Maybe 4 times , in our early 30s, she would claim she had an IBS attack, and cut dinner short, while we were out at a nice restaurant. I felt so badly that she kept having this sudden onset diarrhea.
She got married, had 3 kids, and the dinners became less frequent. Understandable . One lunch with her husband when she was expecting the first baby, then one birthday dinner, where she changed the restaurant from a nice restaurant to a dive near her house. Understandable, babies, postpartum, etc.
She cut that night short, as well.
Fast forward 15 years. I turn 50, ask if she would like to get together for a bday lunch in May. She says, sure, but let’s do it in July when the 3 kids are away at camp.
Well, the lunch never happens. She and her mom swing by at 9 am on a holiday weekend , drop off a quart of strawberries, chat outside my house for 20 minutes. I haven’t seen her since.
And then I realized. She had been trying to get out of our dinners from around 2003-2015. 
I kept believing each and every excuse, checking in on her to see if she was okay. It never occurred to me that she didn’t like meeting up. Or that she rather be somewhere else.
Just tell your relatives you’re not feeling up to it. Or that you need time alone.
Don’t fake sickness. They’ll catch on at some point.
I think that family friend is ummm… insincere… at this point.
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Even if it takes a few decades.
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Well, she was a sister to me. She came to visit me when I lived in NYC and Calgary. She would stay at our home for weeks as a kid, when her parents travelled. Her parents are still our closest family friends. It’s too bad she couldn’t be more direct.
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Many people have trouble being direct, and when they are, more often than not that approach isn’t welcome either
I don’t expect childhood friendships to last into my adult years (it’s certainly rare). People change. Relationships change.
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Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
There are always choices on how to communicate and how to proceed.
I know what she is like, and she knows what I’m like.
I would have liked to have known sooner, but I know now.
For me ( Your Mileage May Vary), it’s disrespectful on her part to tell little lies. I understand why she did, now. So, we’re not on the same wavelength.
The experience has influenced me, in that I tell less little lies now.
I tell people I’m not interested when I’m not interested.
I don’t want to lead anyone on, in terms of thinking a friendship is active when the friendship has stopped functioning. I don’t need them checking on me to see if I’ve recovered from an illness I never had.
YMMV
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Odd. Just last week I received a letter from my cousin’s daughter. Her dad (my dad’s nephew) was his only relative, so we were subjected to several visits a year when I was young. I hadn’t seen/heard from her since dad’s funeral in 2001. Apparently she had just learned of my sister’s death in 2022 and wanted to share that her daughter was named after this sister, who was apparently her favorite cousin (?). Now she wants to come visit mom and me and introduce us to her husband and daughter (a freshman in college). I’m really struggling with how to respond politely while wondering why she’s inviting them to my house rather than inviting us to theirs 
OTOH I am still very close to three friends from high school. Even though we have of course all grown and changed over the decades and of course no longer hang out together every weekend, we still have a great time when we do get together.
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I’m still close with friends with high school, and with cousins I’ve had my whole life.
I went to summer camp, I was in a sorority (!), I was very social and involved with organizing social activities throughout my 20s. I was involved with a ski club and very social for 20 years, until 2022. My point being, I’ve had friends come and go. 
This is the only friend I can remember, who ever suffered from sudden onset illness repeatedly, and yet she kept arranging to meet up for our respective birthdays at nice restaurants until a couple years after she got married.
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Odd that she’d continue to arrange meetings. I’m somewhat of a coward, so I probably wouldn’t say anything, just let the friendship go without lame excuses. Of course, I’ve always been told I’m a lousy liar completely devoid of a poker face, so lame excuses have never been my strong suit 
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I am still in touch with a HS friend who’s been there for me in times of crisis, most recently a few years ago. She’s changed a LOT since covid for reasons not worth getting into, really, but to an extent where we see many things very, very differently, and her most recent visits in Berlin have been more stressful than fun, to say the least.
I’ve lost very few close friends over the years, and each time it has been as painful as a romantic breakup. Looking at it now, from a distance, I understand why that may have happened, and made my peace with it. After all, there’s no point in crying over spilt milk or spoiled friendships
Chasing people who no longer desire my company has long been a thing of the past, as I enjoy a very large circle of friends that don’t require any mental or emotional gymnastics on my part.
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Usually, that’s the diplomatic way, to take a step back.
I do take steps back, use less words, speak less frequently, to encourage some relationships to be less active, or let someone know I’ve become less invested than I once was. Or I do it to avoid conflict. This summer, after doing brunch with one friend in May and then again in August, I realized it’ll probably be better for both of us if we meet for brunch once a year and keep it to a 3 hour or less visit.
I think also, over time, with some people, I know what approach works with them best.
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Perhaps she sensed your attachment to her, and in view of your history together was simply trying to keep things going when she wasn’t all that invested anymore.
Habitual behavior, at the very least.
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