Raw Oyster Hell, Captain Toms Katy


It’s not the time of year I usually order oysters but I just had to and good ones are available across the freeway at Orleans.

7.95 a dozen, what a deal, no way.

Red flags abounded starting with a dozen served in 10 seconds.

They were warm.

They were tasteless. I even used cocktail sauce which I never do.

Then I saw the final insult, they are pre-shucked and stacked on top of each other by the dozen and then washed with a hefty dose of water not once but twice washing away any flavor that was there.

I asked where the oysters were from. Answer mngplhmp.

The blue crab claws were scrawny little creatures not resembling the ones shown on yelp. Melted butter? Nope, not at this sorry excuse for a restaurant.

The thing is this place is wildly popular but it seems to be cheap food for lacking palates.

Another reason not to go to Katy.


Did your ankle monitor give you a shock or just an alarm sound when you went west of the tollway?


I was given a mulligan by my parole officer and a stern warning banning me from going to Katy or my sentence would be doubled and at my age it is essentially life.

I am however allowed a once yearly r and r trip to Luling/San Antone as long as I circumvent planet Earth bypassing Katy altogether.

I’m also banned from Austin especially I-35 through downtown and if caught there my unit of transportation will be vaporized by federal agents.


Senor Ostiones, at least warm, tasteless and pre-shucked were the only problems. It could always be worse in the form of multiple trips to the loo.

But yes, warm raw oysters is just wrong.