Thanks. What I didn’t say was that I could easily hammer my best friend in arm wrestling - or just as easily throw the contest, depending on what outcome I need! Of course, knowing him, we might end up in a ‘reverse arm wrestling’ contest, pulling on each other’s arms to lose, instead of pushing to win.
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I am going to go out on a limb and say this is a cultural thing. (Also in my culture, but not “common” practice.)
I AM American, so we’re big on macho displays.
Actually, it’s a joke. I haven’t arm wrestled for probably 40 years!
I have metaphorically wrestled for a bill, no question.
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Me, too. It’s easy for me to generate a genuine facial expression (because it is genuine), and say it would be a lot to me and really make me happy to get the check this time. I usually try to cover that in a text or email so as not to surprise them, and then say it as soon as I can fit it in when we are in person, before the check arrives.
It usually works fine and we are all happy. They know I mean it.
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In one circle of check grabbers, the award for creative announcement went to: “We’re a touch early for marking my birthday, but if you’ll bear with me picking the wine, dinner’s on me.” Okay. And then he starts in with: "What about this one; how 'bout that one . . . " So we all picked, and all had a good time.
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If you get the sense that they are expecting to treat you since you are traveling to see them, see what happens at the first meal. If they grab the check, allow them and express lots of thanks, and insist that they allow you to reciprocate the next night. Something like, “that is so sweet and overly generous of you to treat us. We had such a good time tonight catching up and the food was great. But tomorrow night is on us!”
For meals 3 and 4, suggest to them to split bills.
Either couple covering 4 consecutive meals is too lopsided to remain comfortable for everyone involved, even for well intentioned generous and economically comfortable people.
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I can’t wait to hear how things worked out.
Well, no. We have a friend who comes to visit once a year. She makes (and has) a lot less than us, and has also had a lot of medical bills. She pays for her transportation (train), but we pick up all the meals (usually three). (I am talking diner level, not 5-star here.) If I could figure out how to reimburse her train fare with embarrassing her, I’d do that.
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Can you get gift cards for the train? 
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Amtrak has gift cards.
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You’re so kind and generous! I encourage you.
The OP’s situation seems like they’re of similar economic circumstance, so the situation you describe may be different.
For your friend, to cover the train, you can always slip a $100 bill in her purse on the last day, or put it in a tiny brightly colored holiday card with her name on it so she doesn’t miss it. Write a bit about how much her friendship means to you and how the money is a small token of your appreciation for her loyal friendship. I wish I had done more of these things in my life.
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@TheLibrarian28 How did everything turn out?
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We’re going the first week in February, so it hasn’t happened yet. Will report back! Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. 
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Have a wonderful trip!
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