Hi, Cath:
I get your and C70’s reticence, but if a friend or family member volunteered they wanted to try some particular “it wasn’t just a bad day” place, would you not say something?
Aloha,
Kaleo
I know 
Of course kaleo! Just not online.
Hi, C:
Well, if all published reviews were written as if they were private conversations with family or friends, I wouldn’t have any reticence at all. Why can’t we all be friends? 
Aloha,
Kaleo
My reviews are published on HO. Am I not amongst friends?
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Of course you’re among friends, John.
My larger point was that I think the only reviews worth reading and writing are the ones that read like they’re written for family or friends–open, honest, reflective and unselfish. Maybe even a little humble.
The smaller point was just a little poke at the idea that someone would only warn off a close person, but would not do the same for a fellow Onion or a stranger.
Aloha,
Kaleo
Understood, Kaleo. I see you spotted my tongue was firmly in cheek.
As an aside but hopefully relevent, my wife’s sister is another foody. If we all go out for dinner, we will talk about the food we’re eating, whether good or bad. A third sister, who is not a foody, gets very edgy if anyone is critical of the food thinking that it means they are not having a good time and doesnt understand that the “review” at the table is all part of the enjoyment of the evening. I cannot recall her ever commenting on her food saying that it was other than absolutely delicious.
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My reluctance to criticize just stems from the kind of places I eat at. Mostly small mom n’ pop ethnic eateries run by hardworking immigrants. I have no place publicly criticizing them, I just can’t. I told ya, I’m sensitive! 
I’ve written a few negative reviews on yelp, but never for a restaurant. I will simply not go back if I don’t like it, but will surely write an honest review if I do!
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Why not be honest C70? Hardworking or not, if service is poor and/or food is bad or even mediocre why not share that with others? Darwinism at its best is survival of the fittest.
Must be true what they say… We Canadians are too darned nice. Sorry!
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Harters, it was fun to read someone else also goes through this. When I first would do this, my other half would cringe. I eventually conceded it could hurt other diners’ experiences. Later, when 50% of our conversations had become food-related, this became a problem. Luckily for us, we speak a second language, so that solved the issue. (Why it didn’t occur to us sooner, I’ll never understand.) “Others” often don’t find such discussion enjoyable, so we avoid the subject in those situations. Once or twice a year, we’ll have a truly great meal. We know it was great because we spent most of the meal talking about other things.
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Having been in the industry for 25 plus years, I can’t do a really bad review.
I would have thought that with 25 years experience your criticism would be more insightful and more valid than us amateurs.
I understand the sense of solidarity with other fellow travellers in the restaurant industry, but is that really fair to the poor punters who pay good money for bad food because the bad places are not called out?
I also tend to think the “having a bad day” rationale for not posting a bad review is a bit of a cop out. I believe I can discern when a problem is something out of the restaurants control versus something caused by incompetence. As an experienced diner I would hope I amend my critism as a result.
That said I think I tend to give forgive restaurants “accidental missteps” far more than restaurants refuse my hard earned money. If they reduce the bill then that moderates any critism but if they still charge full freight despite mistakes then they get the review they deserve.
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I would have thought that with 25 years experience your criticism would be more insightful and more valid than us amateurs.
That’s part of the problem. I notice EVERYTHING.
Again, it’s not my place to impact someone’s business with a shitty review. YMMV. I can see that you value your opinion quite highly.
Ah. I see who you are now.
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I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had a reduction in the bill in some 40 years of eating out. It wouldnt moderate my review but it would change it. On the one hand, I might write “This was awful because of X” or I might write “This was awful because of X but the restaurant did Y”.
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Just to be clear. I don’t ask for a reduction. I simply meant that when a restaurant stuffs something up and they apologise/acknowledge the fact, i.e. by not charging for a faulty dish, then I believe that goes some way to moderate criticism.
Unfortunately like Harters it’s far from common, most restaurants either don’t realise or don’t seem to care.
it’s not my place to impact someone’s business
I still feel that’s an odd attitude. Do we expect other professions to impose a professional cone of silence to protect that profession at the expense of the public…? I know some do, but I like to think a pilot will call out poor flying skills, doctors will call out incompetent colleagues, engineers will assess and criticise dangerous structures etc.
Each does so in the appropriate forum. Isn’y that forum for restaurants reviews and criticism - after all restaurants spend a lot on PR and marketing to get coverage so there should be balance.
That’s part of the problem. I notice EVERYTHING.
Good - I would hope you do. But equally your experience should be such that you understand which are minor/incidental flaws and which are serious/structural flaws.
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I find it unnecessary to review poor food or service at your local greasy spoon. it’s like a bad review of a McDonald’s because the snoot didn’t find white linens on the table.
but places that trade on really good food and service that are falling down, yes I think it is entirely fair and reasonable to let other people know “eh, mebbe not so good as they think they are”
had lunch a a nice place. the food itself was excellent. the busboy was the most attentive person on the floor - the waiter’s mind was off somewhere else - he forgot several things, waiter couldn’t be found except by signalling the busboy…
an order of hot tea - query: what kind would you like we have x,y,z. tea arrives, waiter with a boxed set of tea bags in foil, the stated and desired tea - “Oh, we’re out of that.” so it’s $4.50 for a cup of hot tea of a sort you didn’t want. somebody in that restaurant is not doing their job. - out of tea bags? really? Motel 6 does better than that.
so some of it is not so petty. some of it could actually matter to the paying customer.
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Maybe it’s because I like to visit new restaurants who’re very eager to please, but I find the opposite is often true: the mildest critique can result in an overreaction. Not long ago I visited a brand new restaurant in town, and when I noticed that my food was oddly cold, I asked about it – not as a complaint, more out of curiosity, as it was a dish that I’d normally expect to be hot but could theoretically be room-temp or cool. The manager immediately refunded the dish, gave us free desert, and gave me a note to present on my next visit, giving me and my friends a free meal. I was grateful, but almost wish I hadn’t said anything!
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I went to a casual place near home a year or so back. At the end of the meal, the owner asked if everything had been OK. I said everything had been fine, except I hadnt particularly enjoyed the main course. The owner comp’d my whole meal - the full three courses and the coffee. I said that wan’t at all necessary - it had been a poor choice on my part and I had eaten every scrap. And was happy to pay. She insisted that if customers hadnt enjoyed themselves, she didnt wish to charge. So that’s how we left it. But, in fact, I felt very uncomfortable about it. I wrote up the review and posted, I think, to egullet.
I’ve asked this exact same question, “Not complaining, I’ve never had this dish before, just want to know if it’s supposed to be room temperature.” But each time I said it was just for my own knowledge, the more the wait staff took it as a complaint.
I haven’t had a response as gracious as what you describe, but we’ve noticed most of our experiences are undeniably better at brand new establishments. We are seriously considering changing our dining out habits to visit only new restaurants.
I think there are ways to convey facts without the review being scathingly negative. Noise level, decor, comfort, parking and cleanliness are of varying degrees of importance to each diner. If I want a leisurely meal while catching up with a friend I look for clues about pacing, types of seating and level of sound.
If something is prepared and served properly but simply not to my tastes I have no problem noting that while giving enough info (over/under seasoned or salted) so others can gauge. I’m much more forgiving of service issues stemming from lack of training rather than lack of caring.
Everything is relative. An adequate meal served by nice people might be the best bet in an area with few options. I’d be disappointed in the same were I in an area with many better options close at hand.
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