Your message to them read to me like how I would have described an unsatisfactory meal at a prior favorite to a friend, but not to the establishment. To you it may read as “honest,” to me it read a bit “brutal,” but to the owner who is emotionally and otherwise vested it probably read as “mean” or worse.
“What happened to you?” Is not constructive criticism in my book, nor is “Why can I never find even one layer cake there anymore. Sheet cakes and cupcakes just don’t cut it.*
I’ve had a lot of less-than meals at prior favorites post-pandemic, and wondered about whether / how to give feedback.
In most (all?) cases I decided against, because I figured it would just take them time to bounce back to their previous state. For places that survived — especially non-corporate, small establishments — it will take a while to get restaffed, menus back to the quality and variety of the “before” items, and so on.
If it was a favorite of mine, I’m willing to support them as they attempt to do that — in my book they had earned some loyalty.
I don’t eat meat. If someone tells me that I won’t have a satisfactory dining experience in a barbecue restaurant or steak house I don’t think they are snotty or patronizing.
Come on. The chef is telling the patron that their palate is not refined enough to appreciate his food.
Your comment about steak or barbecue is not close to relevant.
Honestly Bob I would not waste the effort trying to explain to someone who does not allow any other point of view other than their own. Discussion is only welcome by them IF you agree. Use the ignore button and mark them off as wasted effort. I really hope HO does not become toxic like CH.
From your note, I understand the essence of the feedback you wanted to give and I think you did the right thing with not just blasting this on a public site. Much of the criticism is definitely legitimate feedback, but I will offer my 2 cents as a life long HR person who has to deal with helping managers to give good constructive feedback every day.
De-personalize it. It’s not about the person, but the experience, the process and even sometimes the behaviors you saw. All that is fair criticism if delivered correctly. I’m in agreement that the “What happened to you?” comment is absolutely making it personal. That was probably not your intention, but it’s hard not to read that in how it was written. I think leaving it with “the experience was not what I’m used to from your staff or establishment” would have summed it up nicely. When you write ‘you’, it’s hard as a person not to take that at face value and that you are addressing that reader personally and directly.
Be specific! Writing about a long wait is fine, but I would have added more context. Was there no one else? Was there a lot of staff but not everyone jumping in to help customers? Was this long compared to the last 5 years…be specific here so they have context of why you felt it was excessive. Otherwise, it’s hard to tell what the issue was, or if someone just expects to be served the moment they enter (like my mom…). If there was a real issue and this was not communicated well to customers, that’s a whole different area to address.
Do consider the context of the time/place/circumstance before you give the feedback. It’s the pandemic, so while I think value and ‘shrinkflation’ are absolutely valid reasons to consider when visiting a restaurant, should this be the time to really pick on that? And the answer is it depends. I’ve tried not to be so hard on restaurants right now because labor is expensive (in the US at least), there are residual supply chain problems also driving up costs, and with restaurants having to stomach 2+ years of shrinking of their business and revenues, I understand that owners may have to take a harder stance to protect themselves financially. Right now, I choose to be more forgiving, but ask me about those prices again in a year, if things show more signs of returning to normal.
I would critique the restaurant’s reply too but I won’t - damn it, I need to leave work behind. Just as there is how to give good feedback, there is help on how to receive feedback well. Both are learned skills. So that, my friends, is your HR lesson of the day!
Interesting comments here. While I may have hurt the owner’s feelings, I rather think this is the response they send out to all dissenters. It’s too blanket. Yes, the pandemic has had a huge effect on businesses, but it’s no reason to give slow service or not produce a decent product. Smaller portions OK, higher prices also OK, but very slow service (no, it wasn’t crowded) and a sloppy presentation aren’t a result of economic downturn. Cheerful, timely service and decent presentation are free. £6.50 for half a grilled cheese/cheese toastie is high when it’s served in a cardboard box and the top and bottom layers aren’t lined up. Hurt or not, there was no attempt to apologise nor even just listen. Thanks again!
I didn’t think your message was degrading in any way. You stuck with the facts. Now, it’s time you vote with your feet.
On the other hand, I deal with kids. Kids who have phones and laptops, etc. They always get into trouble with these devices because of the down side of the written word. “Everyone really likes your new hairstyle.” Is this a compliment or curt down. Depends on how you read it. We are a deep thinking species who tends to read into things we read. When it’s spoken, even over the phone, we can infer if it’s mean or in our best interests. This owner is obviously stressed, and reading what you wrote, took it to heart, instead of to brain.
I feel the gaps we see in our worlds (politics, international tensions, etc) are often a result of the written word. Twitter has replaced doing lunch among our elected officials. You’d swear they never talk to one another, just berate on Twitter, Instagram, etc. The written word has power.
Cheese and onions beg for one another’s company. Sorry it was a bad day.
These incidents at familiar places never have happened to me. A whole series of positive experiences we’ve already shared makes the shaky one tolerable–for both of us.
I’d have assumed that they were having trouble keeping things together–and offered support in hard times onsite, if I could. At the same time, I’d indicate what went wrong for me.
I’d never refuse to pay.
Worst case: next time I returned, I’d relate my disappointments from previous visit to hostess, server, and/or manager (whoever was available), and expect only the best this time.
If a second disaster happened, I wouldn’t go back.
In my whole life, such a second disaster never has happened.
When I appear at a regular place, it’s usually as a friend coming to pay a visit–and they know my name. . .
For a regular place I’m way more forgiving. IMO if you patronize the same place for years you’re going to catch them on a bad day. Especially the way staffing is in today’s COVID world. (My younger brother is the lead breakfast chef at an upscale hotel. They hold an open house for jobs-- only 3 applicants appear, all get job offers, 1 accepts & then never shows up. Sad because it’s almost the norm these days.) Our regular diner will always make a misstep right. But, yeah, a new place one it trying that has crappy service probably won’t get a 2nd chance.
We had a place like this here in Central NJ. (NJ Ho’ers will know who I mean without asking!) A complaint about the decrepit shrubbery led to a personal attack on the poster. They didn’t last long. (IIRC, they just closed up one day and didn’t even throw out the perishables. Before the next tenant moved, men in hazmat suits had to clean it!)
