Part of the challenge these days is to feed a crowd with diverse needs: there will be a vegan, then another non pork eater, one that is allergic to gluten, fruit only vegan, non seafood eater etc. Kids don’t eat this or that vegetables, the list of each meal means endless adjustment. The last years, we have more and more potluck meals with friends, at least one will bring the food they can eat without problem.
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@naf I’m a novice entertainer, so my planning period is longer. I sometimes try entertain a few times in a row to maximize that planning and prep 
I think about menu for a while. Is there going to be a centerpiece dish or small plates? Snacks & apps with a view to not having people get full before the meal but still having a long grazing period over drinks. Will a salad will work better or some side vegetables? Do they need to be hot or will a warm/cold version work? Is a sweet course needed?
The questions arise from previous entertaining. Once, everyone got so full on hors d’oeuvres that most of dinner was left. Another time, I made dessert but no one wanted any. Yet another time, a lovely salad was half my brunch menu, but half the people wouldn’t touch salad. And so on.
I usually ask about allergies / strong dislikes in advance (I have a couple myself, so I am accommodating). The meal is planned keeping those in mind - not everyone may be able to eat everything, but I want most of the menu to be accessible to everyone.
I serve family-style.
I don’t like to leave much (other than reheating or bringing food to the table) to the last minute, because that takes me away from enjoying the company. Isn’t that the best part and the whole point?
And also this → hahaha
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When we lived in Paris, we were one of two families that hosted enormous Thanksgiving dinners for the expat community where we lived.
Ours was 35-40 people, and we had enough room to search them all (with a lot of garden tables carried down the street!) With the food laid out on a buffet.
Part of the menu was a reheat plan, as it was always a potluck of sorts, with people bring their family’s favorite recipe, so it added to the logistics.
I got to expert level of doing it with a spreadsheet…scheduling all of the shopping and cleaning and cooking.
By our last year there it was running like a well-oiled machine
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I remember sharing Thanksgiving meal plans on Chowhound, and have committed to doing it this year for the first time in awhile.
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Indeed. In our small family group, just 7 of us now, one has gluten issues and another does not eat red meat and is “fussy” about what seafood she eats. It’s been the main driving force for us cutting back on family events. It really is a pain in the arse. Do we prepare something especially for them? Or do we prepare a dish that is the lowest common denominator so everyone can eat it? We’ve usually gone with the latter and it is very much compromise - which is why we’ve just stopped hosting occasions in that way.
We haven’t had a non family dinner party for many years. Our group of friends just find it more pleasant and less stressful to socialise at a restaurant than one of the homes. We stopped round about the time one of the group seemed to think it was a cooking competition, always trying to out-do the others with elaborate food.
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At my small family table, we have one who can’t eat raw tomatoes (cooked is fine), one who cant tolerate dairy, and one who is allergic to mushrooms. One of us recently found that her seafood allergies have disappeared as quietly as they appeared…
Dinner is a challenge but we manage. We simply have options foe the ones with issues (there are three households involved, so it also works if we each bring a suitable dish.
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The main efficiency tip I have is to control the menu according to what can be accomplished in the time, manner, and standard you want.
Btw - on holidays I dine out.
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A solution I would love to jump at with regards to our Christmas Day gathering. However, restaurants open that day usually only provide a “traditional” three course meal, based on the turkey and charge a considerably premium price for it. And, by “premium”, our local pub is charging £80 this year (€94/$111). Four of our seven family members have low incomes and simply could not afford it - which would mean that, as with other rare eating out experiences which occured when their parents were still alive, the other three folk would be also paying for the four.
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On holidays I dine out alone. My bad for being unclear.
The last couple years I’ve gone to Oceanaire in downtown Minneapolis for Christmas which offers a full menu plus some holiday specials.
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A small group of us, actually met online, enjoy small dinner parties in each others’ homes. We each have a different cooking and entertaining style, so competition isn’t an issue. In fact one woman brilliantly said, “The only time I get in trouble is when I try to be too clever.” So it’s interesting, yes, clever, no. Around a home table, we can relax, hoot and holler if we wish, stay beyond a 2 hour table slot, just hang out.
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Yup - I was just working from the cooking portion of the holiday, but yes, it goes back at least a week if you’re shopping for everything within 7 days of the dinner, especially if you get a frozen bird.
But that internal clock that has one spinning from stovetop to carving platter to serving dishes to dining room table is the one that keeps everything on a (relatively!) even keel.
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As it should. Even the cook needs to relax (as much as s/he can!) during a holiday meal.
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I mean the Thanksgiving meal, not the part about Chowhound.
BTW, I used to use Pepperplate, which allowed you to set up timers to start different dishes sequentially, so they could finish together, at least sort of.
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Even worse is when a new guest, with whom you are unfamiliar (a distant cousin, a new boyfriend) waits until everyone is seated and serving up the food, and then mentions, “Oh, by the way, I’m allergic to nuts.” And of course, you’ve put nuts in both the stuffing and the cranberry relish; if you had known ahead of time, you might have made them differently. I mean, maybe you would just warn them against those items, but advance warning would have been nice, so you could let them know what to avoid right off.
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Or have an EpiPen.
Just kidding.
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had a aunt . . . came for dinner . . . everyone seated . . . what is this?
shrimp & clams in white sauce over linguini.
half way thru her plate she asks again, with the added: “I’m allergic to shell food”
oddly, she survived, no reaction, no problems . . .
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I well remember one of the last dinner parties at Casa Harters. We served fish and one of the guests got a bone stuck in her throat. As we’d all been drinking, we had to phone a relative who lived nearby to come and take her to the hospital. Put something of a damper on the evening even though it was the competitive one I mentioned earlier.
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That reminds me of this Catholic tradition. When I was a child, I went to Catholic school AND had a lot of sore throats. I always wished this ceremony would fix it. It didn’t.
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My opinion about people who have unusual allergies and aversions to certain foods need to be personally responsible for their own safety and not rely on others to keep them safe and/or happily fed. I have many food aversions since going through chemo for breast cancer, I also have gout that can be triggered by many foods and I am allergic to berries. It’s a minefield to work through a menu or a dinner party.
I grew up in the midwest, and the only fish we ate were frozen lake perch. I remember my mother serving it with rolled balls of Wonder Bread in case we got bones caught in our throats. I was terrified of fish for years…
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Hat’s off, RD. Yours is the first and last rule of successful entertaining.
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