Bonding through Williams-Sonoma Nov 2015 Catalog


(For the Horde!) #1

Let us celebrate our new HungryOnion site by making fun of Williams Sonoma 2015 November Catalog.

In full disclosure, I have shopped at Williams Sonoma before. However, there are something very unsettling about its marketing strategy and messages. This is especially shown through the Williams Sonoma catalogs, which is why there are Hater’s Guides. They are fantastically funny.

For example in 2013:

The Hate Guide wrote: "Williams-Sonoma says: “Baked by trappist monks at a monastery in the Missouri Ozarks. Order early. Supply is limited.”
Price:$39.95

Notes from Drew: Everything about that sales copy just blew my skull. There are trappist monks in the Ozarks? Do they brew artisanal meth? I don’t trust fruitcake to begin with. I sure as shit am not trusting fruitcake that comes from a redneck friar. They’ll swap out uppers for candied fruit. And yet, supply is limited. Apparently, the market for $40 Ozark fruitcake is ENORMOUS. White women from Bridgehampton ALL THE WAY to Westhampton rely on the monks to deliver their holiday fruitcake every year. Ina Garten’s ADORABLE HUSBAND JEFFREY WHO MAKES A LOT OF MONEY loves the sight of a fine white-trash-monk fruitcake any time he comes home. TIE IT UP WITH THE
TWINE!"

I think you get the idea.

So let’s us start with the November 2015 catalog.

http://online.fliphtml5.com/kssp/ntci/#p=1

I will start with with three.

Mummy Cake:

New & Exclusive All eyes will be on this centerpiece-worthy cake, handcrafted with
layers of moist chocolate cake, chocolate cream-cheese frosting and fondant
“bandages.” $65.
Chemicalkinetics says: All eyes will be on you after you tell your guests that you had paid $65 for this crap.

Pillivuyt Gravy Boat with Warming Base

Keep sauces warm throughput meals. Holds tealight candle (not included). Made in France by Pillivyyl. 12-oz cap. $79.95
Chemicalkinetics says: Thanks God, it is only $79.95, and not $80 for a stupid gravy boat. Can’t you at least throw in a candle or two for this $79.95 gravy boat?

Williams-Sonoma Casseroles Starters:

Chemicalkinetics says: 1/3rd of the catalog is about prepared foods and prepared sauces and spice mixes. I sometime wonder if Williams-Sonoma is for people who CAN cook or CANNOT cook. The advertisement slogan is: “We Make It From Scratch So You Don’t Have To”. I am pretty damned sure that any frozen microwave dinner can equally make the same f-king claim.

Enjoy.


#2

The sweet potato casserole starter includes: brown and white sugar, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, vanilla, red pepper, oil, pecans, and flour. And a generous amount of packaging. For $14.95.

I might have to buy fresh pecans, everything else is in my pantry.


(For the Horde!) #3

Ha. True.


#4

I’ll play!

See the pretty leaf-laden pan? It’s so exclusive, we’re not even gonna tell you about it, how much it costs or how to order it. Just gaze at it longingly and wish you could bake a special cake in it, but you can’t! NYAH, NYAH! To drive the point home, note the pan is labeled “A” after the “H” nonstick brownie pan. Get it? “HA!” The joke is on you, sucker! Tough luck!


#5

<img src="//hungryonionstatic.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com/original/1X/b3718aa342d60a699a86c26c759ca580c4f08bfe.png" width=“394” height=“700”

Because nothing screams, “I have more money than sense” as much as a seasonal cooking and serving vessel, really only appropriate for dispensing one dish (pumpkin bisque). I mean, heck, would you cook and serve Bolognese in that? Anything else? Wouldn’t it just seem weird to bring that out to the table with ANYTHING ELSE but something pumpkin?!

I won’t lie, I love Staub and that pumpkin is exquisite, but I’m an aging Yankee with more sense than money. :smile:


(For the Horde!) #6

:laughing:


#7

But the shipping is free!!!


#8

OK, so I mocked the pumpkin, as its useful life would be seasonally limiting for me, personally. But I was intrigued by the damn thing, and wondered if there were other designs available. Well, GUESS WHAT?

Yes, perfect for an Italian-American who loves to cook, a 3-quart Staub tomato cocotte, and it’s not only on sale, but free shipping. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE!


(Kaleo) #9

What, you have not inherited the estate’s compliment of terrines for game? The ones for hare and stag are available all over, but the one for skunk (in Pepe le Peu striped enamel) has always been a W-S exclusive.


(For the Horde!) #10

You know. If they make the Dutch Oven in the shape of a pig (has to be cute), then maybe I will get one. Kind of like this, but it has to be cuter.


#11

I am drawn to this, too! I’d want the whole farm. :laughing:
Who makes this one? Almost looks like it’s wearing a hat, but I think it’s just a funny angle. Very cool!

And HA HA HA, kaleokahu, the skunk! Yes, exclusive, for sure.


(For the Horde!) #12

I didn’t look into who makes this. I was just googling some animals Dutch Ovens.


#13

It’s a Staub too.


(For the Horde!) #14

You are correct. Thanks. It seems they also have a pig one (although this pig looks kind of sad)


#15

Well, because he’s a meal. :smile: He’d rather be out in his pen, chatting up a spider. Still quite cool, tho’!


#16

Have you seen their knobs? I’ve always lusted after the rooster on the top of what they market as a coq au vin pot. They also have a pretty handsome pig knob.


#17

I didn’t know it was sold separately. I have that Staub dutch oven (in grenadine) with the rooster–it was a birthday present I didn’t buy myself. What a treat!


(For the Horde!) #18

Yes, I have seen those animal knobs:

and others.


#19

Didn’t know you could buy them separately. That pig has your name on it! He looks happier than the one on the Dutch oven. :smile: