So, as per Lambowner’s suggestion, checked out Bernie’s Burger Bus at their location across the parking lot from Trader Joe’s out here in Katy.
I was sorta excited because of some good reviews and their incessant claims that they’re “Old School” - which is so easy to say, but not so easy to live up to.
I am old, and I did go to school, and I ate a lot of burgers “back in the day,” so I consider myself something of an expert. Had this place actually opened back in the day across the street from my old school, I don’t think it would have lasted long.
But I could be mistaken, since I often completely underestimate our American fondness for having to have absolutely everything sweet.
Because, inexplicably to me, this is a sweet burger. And what’s even worse is that it’s something they’re proud of.
I’m not really much of a fan of cheeseburgers. It’s odd, I know. I love cheese and I love hamburgers but not particularly at the same time. I think it’s got lots to do with the fact that I really really adore the flavors of a plain classic hamburger - good bread, excellent meat, fresh crunchy veggies. The cheese, to me, sort of gets in the way. So, one of BBB’s main claims to fame - assorted cheeses - doesn’t affect me, therefore, can’t comment on that.
The hamburger patty was really good - moist, juicy, flavorful. The veggies were indeed cool and crisp. God I wanted to love this thing.
But the bread… At first, I couldn’t figure out the problem The bread seemed mushy; the texture unpleasant. And, as I ate, I realized it was sweet. Like Hawaiian bread. Which I like very much with butter and coffee in the morning. But on hamburgers? Was I right? Was that what it was?
I called over the manager to inquire. “Well, yes,” he said. “It’s not the Hawaiian brand, but it’s very similar - sweet - isn’t it good?”
Sorry, not to me.
So here’s what I don’t get. They make a big show of all of the variety they offer - every sort of topping imaginable, wide assortment of cheeses, onions fresh and crunchy or grilled…it goes on and on. So why on earth can’t they offer a choice of a decent bread bun? How hard would that be? Do you want a sweet breakfast roll burger, or would you like a nice bread with a good crumb? Or whole wheat? Or sourdough? Or any goddammthing that isn’t sweet?
I did ask if they offer non-sweet choices, and was told that they do not. So, unless the person with whom I spoke was mistaken, that’s all you get. Sweet.
I hate sweet hamburgers. I won’t go back.