Hahaha.
I did log in once or twice.
My Army base hospital wasnât equipped for doing the TV camera-into-the-stomach thing so I had to be at an Air Force base hospital 2.5 hours away at 6:30, and had to come 48 hours fasted, plus no water the last 12 hours.
Although the surgeonâs nursing staff had set me up for the procedure, the surgeon thought this was just a consult for it, and the procedure definitely was not on his a.m. schedule.
I was a little hot under the collar (no one used âHangryâ back then but thatâs def what I was) and managed to talk him into squeezing me in later in the mid-afternoon. So that was lucky. But it necessitated an overnight admission I wasnât expecting because I didnât have enough time left to clear the demerol/versed/valium cocktail they use to keep you drowsy and not gagging.
2 Likes
Seriously. My CEO and I just commiserated at the stupidity of some people.
1 Like
A conundrum as old as time, for sure 
The roomateâs daily rant.
SNLâs stupid PSA.
6 Likes
So so so fân true!!!
We wuz out fishing in a downpour. My fishing partner checks his weather forecast, says: âlooks like 75% of rain.â
Iâm dripping from head to toe and said: Looks like A HUNDRED PERCENT CHANCE OF RAIN.
A literal example does not even make sense, but lol.
1 Like
Iâm bowed-down tired of that, frankly.
Around age 35, I finally got called to jury duty and could NOT get myself dismissed. I had to sit through the trial, which ended up being a (thankfully not graphically upsetting) domestic violence case. It was the first actual trial I had ever seen. All my other courtroom experience was (thankfully) limited to traffic hearings. I ended up as foreman. We convicted the defendant.
But when friends and coworkers asked me about it afterwards, I described like so:
Party A says the sky black and pink.
Party B says the sky is green with orange polka dots.
Judge whoâs right. But under no circumstances are you allowed to apply any knowledge you might have about the sky, and you are definitely not allowed to look out the window, which is mostly what everyone wanted to do, anyway.
Basically, it took my innate cynicism about the legal system, turned the knob to max, and then snapped it off.
It hasnât changed, since.
3 Likes
I will never be called for jury duty again. Ever.
All I had to do is expressly indicate that I have zero confidence in the judicial system, donât trust law enforcement more than civilians, and think the concept of a jury deciding a case is insane.
Follow me for more life hacks
1 Like
Other ways to avoid:
have relatives that work in law enforcement. My partnerâs cousins are both forensic lab techs.
Have a relative (or a self) that has been arrested and/or convicted of any crime other than a misdemeanor traffic violation. (My now deceased brother was an alcoholic for most of his adult life. That eventually comes with a small but significant rap sheet)
Your trick is somewhat more difficult to pull off. People think you can go in, say stuff like âI donât believe in âinnocent til proven guiltyâ â and you are magically dismissed. You might get away with that. Or you might get a lecture from the judge for trying to get out of jury duty and threatened with contempt. Ditto coming dressed as Princess Leia or other obvious silliness.
I didnât have to show up at all. I just wrote all of the above in my response to the âinvitation.â
But then I got called in for jury duty once before I was even a citizen 
Wouldnât work in my city for more than one trial voir dire at a time. Youâd still get called again, every year, just about. My city runs through the entire pool of eligible jurors every year. I never got seated, though, and not because Iâm a lawyer. My own lawyer has served at least once. I dealt with the rejection (most of the time because I had been the victim of a crime) and finally aged out of the system. I actually know someone who volunteered to serve after her âretirementâ birthday. I didnât.
1 Like
I know someone who is SUPER excited about serving on a jury.
Iâll just consider myself lucky. Iâve not been called in over a decade, and doubt itâll change. My response might be a bit more pointed this time around, in any event
Well, I set off the metal detector in the courthouse the last time I was called. It was my newly-acquired sternal wires from open heart surgery. I explained to the Sheriffâs Deputy. He said, âme too,â and we fist bumped. A fitting ending to my non-juror juror career.
2 Likes
Iâll say! 
I didnât know that was a thing! Always learning something here.
