I would like some walking bacon, please!
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I got some a couple of weeks ago, walking through a community brunch on my way to lunch 
Highly recommend!
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boo-fucking-hoo
I just told this to my partner and got a great big “oh, fuck you!”
Yeah. This one is definitely going into regular rotation. It’s right up there (down there?) with:
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
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walking bacon
This would go well with the German Wegbier, no?
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If that’s how you roll at breakfast, sure
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Took a minute …
(post deleted by author)
Here’s something you didn’t know: Bill Beaumont (remember him? Australia? Shanghai La?) had a son, and HE had a son, etc etc until we got to the year 2503, when his great great great whatever grandson, (also named Bill!) was a captain for a small freighter running the route between the main lunar stargate and Tau Ceti system. It was a decent job, only a two-week transit time each jump, and a guaranteed 2 months straight down time per year. Enough that he managed what a lot of longer-haul pilots didn’t: family. He had a lovely wife, Emily, and a daughter, Jeanie, 7. Emily was a researcher in exo-biology, so it worked out nicely. Emily would arrange for him to pick up samples on his runs to the edge systems and he got an excuse to see a little more of a few strange new worlds than most.
Bill’s ship was the Lorelei, a standard F-class freighter. Basically, it was 4 huge ion thrusters with a 2 man-crew capsule and a bugbol’ latch point for the cargo containers. The capsule held everything the crew needed. , air, food, and water, 1 week’s reserve rations, and the communication cluster. Get in, hook the cargo up, through the gate, out to the edge planets, deliver cargo, pick up return cargo and samples, come home. Not exciting, really, but better than sitting at a desk.
Except this time, Bill was paired up with a new crewman, Peter. A rookie. He’d only been on in-system runs before, never through the gate. But you didn’t always get your pick of crewmate, depending on who was on schedule, so he figured they wouldn’t have assigned him if he wasn’t ready, right?
And if everything had gone per usual, it probably would have been fine. But it didn’t. As soon as they came through the gate, all the alarms went off. Something had gone wrong. Bad approach angle? Quantum glitch? Who knew? The grav field failed, reseat, failed, and reset again, bashing Bill and Pete around like pinballs.
They came to having crashed… somewhere. Cautiously, Bill peered out the one actual porthole. The world outside looked all pink and magenta and purple, as if all the green on an RGB display disappeared. Pete checked the scanner. “No idea where we are, but it reads M class. Water, air… we should be fine.”
Bill cut him off. “Absolutely not. Do NOT go out there under ANY circumstances. Don’t open the air exchange. Don’t open the vaporators and condensers, understand? Do not pull ANYTHING from out there into this cabin! Check the supplies and I’ll try the comms.”
Bill could, very faintly, pick up occasional bits of the usual system comm traffic, but his transmissions didn’t seem to be getting out. Meanwhile, Pete reported that they had only about 3 days food and water plus the emergency rations, they had 5 days air. After that they’d HAVE to open the exchangers or choke for lack of fresh oxygen.
For DAYS they tried fixing the comms, getting nowhere. Bill was worried. The air was getting stale, the water was getting low, and Pete kept insisting that it was safe to open things up. That they didn’t need to be rationing so heavily. Bill wouldn’t budge.
After the fourth day, Pete began to get angry. Bill had to pull rank on him and threaten him with losing his pay.
On the fifth day, Bill woke up and knew something was wrong. The air smelled… fresh. He angrily shook Pete awake. “WHAT DID YIU DO?! Did you open the air exchangers?!”
“Yes!” Pete screamed. “Go ahead and report me! I’d rather not suffocate!!”
Furiously Bill pulled Pete towards him, grabbed his face, and showed him his own reflection on the blank view screen. Both of them had taken on the same pink-purple tinge as the world outside the ship. Their skin, hair, even their eyes were all tinted.
“You IDIOIT!” Bill cried! “Do you see what you’ve done?!”
“What’s the big deal?” asked Pete.
Bill looked at him, deadly serious. “Now, we’re MAROONED!”
I believe you’re on the west coast? So you won’t hear the groan for another 6 hours or so.
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Oh, shit. I read it three times before I got it!
Nice looking dog you got there, but he’s not so shaggy!
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Makes me long for the days of packets of Carnation Instant Breakfast. 
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I want that chew toy. And I don’t even have a dog 
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It’s Wallace from Wallace and Gromit! OMG, I LOVE it!
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So essentially, you’re making Gromit look like Wallace.
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