I’m so sorry you’ve had these experiences. I’ve never had to deal with it in a work context, thankfully.
What you described about the “eating test” for the Rhodes — my dad had a similar story.
He was invited to the executive dining room by his British bosses: they later told him it was a test before they promoted him — they had never before promoted an Indian person to that seniority, and wanted to make sure he could “eat like a civilized person”. (This was in India, decades post independence.)
The first hungry onion group meal of Indian food we had in New York, I did pause to decide whether to eat with my fingers or not because it was a table of 8 or 10 people I didn’t know very well yet. I thought later that maybe I should have stopped at the rice. But indian restaurant, indian food, indian person 
.
My nephews’ friends too, both in NYC & CA. We would make them call their parents to ask if we could feed them — if they were still “new” to the mix 
(most of them also called me the same term for “aunt” my nephews did 
). The kids also helpfully gave advance notice of known favorites (we’re having idlis Cooper — you want to come over?) 
.
Re rice balls, as I said on the other thread, to me that’s an expression of love 
:
